"A wise woman knows the importance of speaking life into her man. If you love him: believe in him, encourage him and be his peace." -Denzel Washington
I feel like I can speak for most girls when I say that we have fantasized, maybe since childhood, about our perfect man. I personally dreamed about Peter Pan--scruffy blonde hair, love of adventure and stories, and of course, the ability to fly. The thing that attracted me so much to the idea of Peter Pan was his love of his Wendy. He saw her. He loved her. So he took her away to be with him. I have always craved that attention and thus have desired to be plucked from my window to be carried off to the stars. I wanted a musician, an adventurer, and of course, someone who's not too bad to look at. We all have that little list in our heads. We were told from loving parents or church leaders or friends that we should not settle for less than what our heart desires. We were told we deserve the best.
While that is not wrong, it is not complete truth either. If girls think they deserve the best, then boys should think the same. And if you want the best, you have to be the best. And that's a fact that keeps getting looked over.
I remember being told in middle school to write a list of all the character qualities I wanted in a man. My list consisted of qualities like intentionality, bravery, attractive, musical, funny, etc. As time continued and all the other girls were frantically writing everything they want in their man, I realized no one had ever talked about the kind of girl we want to be for them. We talked about what kind of husband we need, but never what kind of wife we need to be.
This world teaches us to think only about what we deserve. As Americans, we often believe we are entitled to the best there is to offer. Therefore, it is no surprise that girls think they deserve the perfect beach body man. Girls see pictures on Pinterest or Instagram and see dramatic words in pretty font telling us quotes, like, "Treat her like she's everything or she'll leave you like it's nothing," or "You deserve someone who will jump fences to be with you, not someone who is on the fence about being with you." While both of those quotes are accurate and we should hold ourselves to a certain standard when it comes to men, we are missing the point.
Just as girls crave to be held and to be cared for, guys desire to be wanted and needed and appreciated. Girls deserve respect and to not be taken advantage of and so do guys. Just as girls expect to be respected on a date, please do not date a guy just to have meals paid for. They deserve the cute notes and cheesy pickup lines and kisses on the forehead if that's how they feel loved. If your man loves Chick-Fil-A, surprise him with Chick-Fil-A. If your man loves to be scratched on the back, show him that kind of affection. Expressing love to a man is much different than expressing love to a woman so try not to assume he loves to be loved the same way you would. But just because it is different does not mean it is any less important. Love is a two-way street. Love is an action. If you love your man, show him.
Being loved by a man, however, begins with loving yourself. Your man should not be your only source of affirmation. He and his opinion of you should not be the only thing that makes you feel beautiful. While such affirmation and affection are crucial in any relationship, those feelings should not be the foundation for that relationship. Your Peter Pan should not be your only reason to fly.
He should make you better. You do deserve to feel beautiful and loved and respected in his presence. Your man should bring out the best in you and love the little quirks about you. He should study you and know the meaning of your facial expressions. He should hold the door open for you and treat you like a queen. Just make sure you are treating yourself like the queen first. Be the best woman you can be for your man. If he's Peter Pan, make sure you're a great Wendy.
The first step to this, I think, is making a list of the kind of girl you want to be for your man. Do you want to have a great, healthy body for your man to enjoy? Do you want to be able to cook him great food? Do you want your home atmosphere to be spunky and fun? If you require your future husband to be honest, brave, and full of initiative and drive, maybe consider how those qualities play out in your own character. Be the woman your man deserves. Be a queen and he will treat you as such. If he is your king, treat him as such.
