For the last 14 years, I have been a sports official. It has been a part of my everyday life. It has been a part of who I am. It is now becoming a part of who I was. And the most difficult thing to deal with is how to walk away from something I've loved for so many years and coping with leaving behind something I love.

For 14 years I have been on softball fields, soccer fields, volleyball courters, basketball courts, I officiated lacrosse for a short period of time and I've been on the ice at about 20 different hockey rinks. At one time, I was officiating six different sports. I was doing high school sports, middle school sports, weekend sports and any day of the week sports you could think about.

And here it is now, 14 years later, and I am officiating at the most a couple of nights a week. I am finding time on my hands that I have never had before. I am finding empty space in my life that I do not know what to do with. How to walk away and cope with leaving behind something I love is one of the hardest life lessons I've dealt with in the last 14 years.

It's something I've loved for 14 years. This is the first year that if I'm lucky, I'll officiate a dozen basketball games. Last year I officiated about 40 dates during the season. I also officiated some weekend tournaments and did some travel ball. The years before that, I would be on a basketball court four or five nights a week. I'd get home at 9:30-10 p.m. every night, get up and go back to work the next day. During softball and soccer season, I'd work four or five nights a week and then I'd find myself somewhere in a remote city far from home working a tournament for some organization where nobody cared about me. I'd spend my own money doing softball for the National Softball Association (NSA) working with assignors who didn't give a damn if I lived or died as long as I was able to get on the field and call balls and strikes and out and safe.

I'd worked the United States Specialty Sports Association (USSSA) softball. At any given time, I'd do 12-20 games of softball in a weekend. I'd cover my own food expenses. I'd pay for my own gas. And hell, half the time while those organizations were charging teams $400 and up to enter into a tournament, I'd be paying for my own hotels. I'd be lucky to leave with $400 at the end of a weekend and after expenses, I'd be lucky to keep half that.

And now here I am today, sitting and thinking about the tens of thousands of games I have officiated in multiple sports. I am thinking about officials who won't remember me a week after I quit officiating. I am thinking about the Michigan High School Athletic Association who are a bunch of liars who won't back their officials, won't support the ones who work for them and who will walk the opposite direction the minute someone has a problem and comes to them. I sit and think about all of the kids I've met, communities I've been in, schools I've worked and sports I've learned.

It's been a very good run. I have a lot of memories. But the hardest part is coping with leaving behind something I love and learning how to walk away.

I will still officiate hockey. I have about a dozen volleyball dates lined up this fall. I have exactly six basketball dates lined up. I have promised myself that if I do not line up anymore, I am going to quit. I will simply email my assignors, give them back and not even walk onto a basketball court again. I can officiate 50 games of hockey a month if I want but I don't want to. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to fill my days with something other than sports.

I could go back to church. I could hang out with people who turn out to be fake, hypocritical and don't call or text me the minute I don't go to a church service on a Sunday. I could hang out with people who preach about God and then don't live much of what they talk about. I could get into karate. I could do something like riding 500 miles a week on my bicycle like I promised myself years ago. I could actually get into the shape I've wanted to be for the last 20 years. But sadly, I sit here trying to figure out how to deal with walking away from something I've loved for so many years and coping with giving up something that has been such a big part of my life for so long.

It is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Having one kid who lives states away and another who is busy every day and building a life of her own makes me a happy and proud dad. Knowing my kids have turned out right, knowing they aren't turning out like deadbeat moochers like the siblings I grew up with, knowing they have a relationship with me, something I will never have with my own family because they are too selfish to care about anything but themselves and then sitting here at night wondering what the hell I am going to do with 10,000 hours a year or whatever it was that I would find myself gone somewhere in a remote city officiating some sport and working with people who probably don't even remember my name.

I've met a lot of assignors. Most of them are egotistical assholes who don't care about anyone unless they can work for them. I've cut ties with more backstabbing officials and assignors than I can count on two hands, two feet and 27 toes. I've stopped officiating games in more communities than I can remember because I won't work for a guy who doesn't care that I have a job, a life or a family. But now I'm trying to fill a void that I haven't had in my life for 14 years.

It's difficult to walk away from something you love and learning how to cope with it without (a) going crazy, (b) going right back to doing it again or (c) not having a clue what the hell I'm going to do with my free time tomorrow after I get out of work.

The sad part? The MHSAA doesn't care about its officials. I got into this organization with a promise of a brotherhood, a great organization, and a group of people who would be there through the good, the bad, the ugly and until the end of time. And it's a lie. I can count "friends" that are former officials on one hand. And that doesn't include anyone working in the high school association.

It's been a very difficult transition, one I'm not through yet and one I don't know If I'll ever be through; I'm trying desperately to learn how to deal with it. My advice for new officials? Stop before you start. The heartache, the pain, the distance you will travel, the miles you will drive, the people you will have to betray to get where you want and the times you will wonder if you have to get on your knees in front of an assignor to get the next big game will be more pain and suffering than it's worth.

I don't regret one day of what I've done the last 14 years. However, I regret knowing a lot of people I wish I never knew. And now I'm coping with walking away from something I've loved and learning how to deal with it. I'm tired of assignors lying. I'm tired of the favoritism. I'm tired of the politics and childish games. I simply want a life and I'm trying to do just that.