Yes, you read the title right- vulnerability isn’t always such a bad thing. While I was training to be an orientation leader for incoming freshmen this past August, I attended a workshop that was aimed to teach that strength can lie in vulnerability. I had heard this concept before, but it always seemed contradictory to me. I’ve always associated vulnerability with weakness, not strength. However, since that workshop and throughout this semester, I’ve been thinking more about it and have realized that this is just the way in which society displays it. Contrary to the common societal belief, being vulnerable actually makes you pretty strong.

Being vulnerable takes a ton of bravery. It’s not easy to expose ourselves, especially to people who don’t know us very well. It can be hard to bring up tough events that have shaped us as people or to show others the parts of ourselves that we aren’t too crazy about.

So why be vulnerable?

First of all, vulnerability helps us create stronger and more worthwhile friendships. We realize who we want to be friends with faster when we open ourselves up without trying to be someone we’re not. If we lie about our interests and passions to fit in, we will attract people who we won’t actually get along with because they will want to be friends with the fake versions of ourselves. We won’t be able to connect with them as we won’t be able to get any indication of our similarities and differences. In addition, on a deeper level, if we share personal stories or characteristics of ourselves and the other person reacts disrespectfully, we immediately know that we don’t want to continue in forming that friendship. For example, last year, I opened up to one of my classmates about my stutter, a speech disorder that I deal with every single day. In response, she explained to me that she knew what stuttering was because she had a friend in high school who stuttered. At first, I was happy to hear this and thought that maybe it could connect us on a deeper level of friendship. However, immediately after, she followed her comment by saying that although her friend stuttered, he did not stutter as badly as I did. Wow, thanks. Although it hurt at the time, it allowed me to see that we would never be more than acquaintances. This probably saved me in the long run because I didn’t waste time on a friendship that would have ended eventually anyway.

Second, vulnerability is a great asset in leadership. Our immediate thought is that we normally see leaders as those who don’t have any problems and can handle everything really well. If a person gives us this impression, we feel confident in them and their qualifications. However, if these were the criteria to take on leadership, we would never have any leaders as no one is perfect. Being vulnerable and showing our weaknesses allows others to relate to us better. People feel more comfortable and safer with a leader they can relate to, opposed to one they share no similarities with. For better or worse, one of the most basic things we all have in common is that we all fail sometimes. Nobody’s perfect - thanks, Hannah Montana. When leaders open up, those they are leading feel more inclined to do the same. This makes them more comfortable to be their genuine selves. For example, while I was sitting at that orientation workshop, I thought about my orientation leaders from freshman year. I remember thinking that they were two of the coolest people in the world - not because they were perfect, but because they were being their most authentic selves. They made me feel comfortable being myself which made it easier to adjust to a new school and community.

So take a good look at the friends and role models in your life. Are they important to you because they’re “perfect” or because they’re genuine and make you feel comfortable being yourself around them?