We all have the friend who doesn't have a filter. In fact, I am that friend. The friend who drops more F-bombs in a sentence than actual words and can turn anything into a dirty joke. Much to my mom's dislike I am a crude and vulgar human. While most people look at being vulgar as a bad thing, being a vulgar is actually f*cking awesome. With that being said, there's more than a few pitfalls to having our ~*amazing*~ sense of humor.
1. Having to make your social media accounts private or censoring the sh*t out of what you post
I get it, future employers may not want to hear about the douche bag that cut me off on 74 that I proceeded to flip off, or about the time that I changed my friend phone screen background to a penis, but I mean, why does the rest of the world need to suffer? This is comedy people! I am comedy!
2. Drawing d*cks on everything
Don't mistake this one, drawing dick is hilarious. It's the unenthused reaction you get from everyone else that isn't fun. I get it, I'm acting like a middle school boy, but you're acting like a twat.
3. D*ck jokes
Again, only not funny because apparently when you become an adult penises aren't funny anymore and I don't remember ever signing that agreement?
4. Actually just thinking genitals are funny, period
If I can't make an ill timed joke about a vagina why am I even alive
5. Constantly being told that "cussing is not lady like."
I don't think that cheating on your girlfriend is very gentleman like but that doesn't seem to bother you. So to that I say: f*ck off.
6. Accidentally sexually harassing your friends, acquaintances and family with ill thought out jokes
My chiropractor once told me that the robe I had to put on tied in the back and that I should leave on my undergarments with it, to which I replied "I guess if that's what you want."
7. Slurring your speech around kids
Because apparently five year olds cannot hear thing like "what the f*ck is that" and "did you seriously just sh*t your pants?" Luckily they can hear "what the fuuu-nny picture you just made me."
8. Being a completely different person at work.
Using all those big words that you learned from Words With Friends to impress your boss, because you do know how to tone it down when money is on the line. Only because you f*cking love money, and wine. Mostly wine.
9. Getting not-so-politely reminded by your friends that you're in public
I once got told that "I don't mid you when it's just us but can you not talk so much when we're in public" Guess who I no longer talk to?
10. Dropping "the 'C' word" and getting looked at like you just murdered someone
Just to clarify, that look of shock is why that word is even still a thing.
11. Being more offended when someone uses the "L" word (love) than someone cussing you out
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU TO MAKE YOU SAY SUCH A HORRIBLE THING TO ME??
12. Angry texts turn into books because you pull out ever swear word in your arsenal and turn them into adjectives, verbs, adverbs, nouns, and pretty much anything imaginable.
You're angry, swear words are angry sounding, a bad mix was just waiting to happen.
