The Values Of Friendship

The Values Of Friendship

College is already scary enough, what makes it worst is finding people to join you on the struggle bus.


"There's a saying, something about quarters and pennies. When you go through your day-to-day life you find and sometimes pick up a penny off the ground, not because of its value, just because it was there and everyone else does it. It's become a tradition based upon luck. Sometimes, when you are digging through your wallet or cup holder in your car, you find a quarter and you get so excited. Quarters are more interesting of a find because in that same wallet, that same cup holder, there are so many pennies already sitting there. That quarter is the same as 25 pennies but rarely do you ever see someone carry around 25 or 100 pennies. You will, however, find that people often times carry with them quarters. They have more meaning to them.
When you're a teenager it seems that everyone is obsessed with penny friends. 25 people to go to parties or hang out with all the time. Sure a few quarters or dimes are thrown in there but the real socially acceptable way of life is to show off just how many pennies you have. Quarters are great but they're harder to come by and it looks like there's more worth from the 25 penny friends you have as opposed to the 1 quarter friend you have. The thing is, you can get the same, even better effect of those pennies by one quarter. Now, penny friends are not, not your friends but they won't be as important to you later in life when you have already quickly spent a penny on some unnecessary things. You'll get knew penny friends, some might even turn into nickels or dimes. But it's better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. You can't carry that much baggage around."

I write a good bit. If someone looked through the notes app in my phone they would find paragraphs of unfinished stories or incomplete thoughts. I went through my own notes recently and found this piece that I had written between the summer of my junior and senior year. When you first enter college, it's so scary. For me, I wasn't scared about school or being on my own. It was always about finding a friend group. Growing up, I was oftentimes referred to as an introvert, and honestly, I hate that. The ideology of being an introvert or an extrovert is based on where one gains energy. It's not based on whether your loud or shy or social or staying in on weekends. The thing is, I love being around people. I love talking to my friends and if you asked any of my friends they will tell you how much I sing and pretend to dance in a cringey way.

In my third month of college, I discovered that I am picky about my friendships. For the first few weeks, I was miserable. I had a few genuine friends who I knew before but our schedules just didn't mash up. So I bounced around. I hung out with the party goers, I hung out with the "preppy" girls and other different friend groups. This isn't me bashing on anyone, in fact, I still hang out with everyone at times and truly love them. They just weren't "quarter friends", and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I know who I am and I know the people in my life I want to be surrounded with.

Finding something I had written at sixteen was interesting because I am still facing the same things that stress me out now at eighteen. The only difference is that I am more confident in myself. My confidence has grown in areas some people wouldn't even think twice about. Simple things like going to The Fresh, alone, eating by the window and reading. I am able to acknowledge that it is my own choice to do that as well. I could easily find someone to eat with, an acquaintance or a friend from class, but sometimes I just want to read and eat. I'm not being anti-social and it's not my social anxiety getting the better of me. It's just me, being confident enough in my friendships.

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10 Struggles Girls Taller Than 5'7" Feel On A Spiritual Level

3. "Do you date guys that are shorter than you?"

Any girl who is at least 5'8" will understand these struggles and possibly identify with them on a spiritual level.

1. Dresses not being long enough

Finding dresses for any occasion that will be long enough is like searching for rain in a drought. And when you find one, it's bound to either cost $$$ or not fit another aspect of your body.

2. Heck, pants are never long enough either

You are constantly flooding, or else you rolled up your jeans to look like capris. Unless you special ordered some jeans online in the coveted size LONG or EXTRA LONG, this will forever be your fate.

3. "Do you date guys that are shorter than you?"

This is a personal preference people! Don't assume that a girl will or will not date someone just based on their height difference! Also, don't judge if they aren't interested in someone who is shorter than them!

4. Not wearing heels because you don't enjoy being the skyscraper of the friend group

Wearing heels can be fun buuuuuuuut sometimes towering over everyone else is not our idea of fun.

5. It's hard to find cute shoes that actually fit

You would love to have all those cute little shoes in the clearance section, but most of them barely cover your big toe.

6. Everyone thinks you walk too fast

Short-legged people just can't keep up with you, even though you aren't even walking fast. Like at all.

7. People want to jump on your back

Just because you're tall doesn't give them the license to make you into their personal camel.

8. Never being able to cross your legs underneath desks and tables

You. Can. Not. Get. Comfortable.

9. Awkward hugs

Some people will never understand.

10. Never knowing how to pose in pictures

Should you sorority squat? Pop the hip? Bend the leg? Contort your body to feel like a normal sized human? So hard to decide.

Cover Image Credit: Olivia Willoughby

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After Years Of Putting In The Effort, Some Friendships Aren’t Meant To Last

Once you've tried everything that you can in a friendship, giving up is your only option.


If this situation is one you find yourself in, then I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that anyone has to experience this type of pain or sorrow. Sorrow because we're sorry we ever even tried when we knew they wouldn't.

To the hearts of those who try too hard to keep something alive that is very much not alive, I feel for you. I've been to those depths more times than I want to admit, and have suffered so much mental pain from the recovery.

That's the thing, there's really no full recovery from a broken or one-sided friendship. When one side is giving 50% or more and the other side isn't giving any, learn to recognize it and leave it.

If I can give any advice from what I've learned being the victim of a one-sided friendship, it's to learn the signals and the red flags, and leave it before it dies completely. If I'm noticing I'm putting more into a friendship than I'm getting out of it, I'll leave. No matter how close of a friendship it was, if it bleeds its true colors to me and those are toxic signs, I'll do what's best for me and leave.

Photo by Gokil

Too many times, I've been on the receiving end of a friendship where I was told what I was doing wasn't enough. I'm not being a good enough friend, I'm not reaching out often enough, I'm not being selfless enough, or that I just don't care for their well-being. At this point, there's already a break, and it'll only get deeper. Truthfully, once a friendship has a deep cut, there will never be a full recovery or a newly blossomed friendship that's improved. That's just not how it works. If it did, I'd have all of my friends still that I've ever had in my lifetime.

Too many times, I've experienced being a backup friend. The one that goes off of someone else's time or when it's convenient for them. It's tiring to be the person that's left in the dust for someone else when I'm the one who's been there longer. Why am I the person that's left behind to play catch up when I'm the one who's trying to be caught up? If I'm trying, then why does it feel like I'm not? I deserve what I'm putting out right back. If I don't get that, it's not worth my time.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

Too many times, I've truly tried to reach out to someone to mend things. Fixing a mistake that was made is okay, it's how we learn from them and don't make the same mistakes again. But reaching out to someone wanting to talk to them and not receiving a response back is the ultimate defeat. At that point, there's nothing else that can be done.

If anyone has tried this, A+ for trying. That's the first step. The other problem, however, is the fact that I reach out to someone to mend something that I didn't break. It's 2 ways, simply put: it takes 2 people to make a friendship work or not work. If I'm the one trying to make it work, then that's no longer on me. My "carelessness" is showing so much just to receive nothing back. Can't always be the victim…

Photo by Hanna Postova

Being the person who's seen as the one who's done wrong has got to be one of the worst feelings, especially when you know that there are things they've done wrong too. The unfortunate part is that when 2 people no longer see eye-to-eye, a friendship won't ever amount from that again. But you know what? That's fine.

Personally for me, if they were a true friend who genuinely cared for me and about where I am or how I'm holding up, then they'd have taken a bigger chance to fix their part of the wrong end. If not, their true colors show.

For those of you experiencing anything of this sort, just know when the right time is to turn your back and walk away.

Photo by Chad Madden

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