I know many people who have said "I should just be over it by now". As if "it" is just a thing and not a situation or a relationship or trauma or an emotion. How do you get over "it" when "it" still lives and breathes?

I've written before about the importance of validating other people and children, but it's time we take a step back and understand the importance of validating yourself.

You can walk around a problem, a wound. But you actually have to walk through it. You have to dig your hands into it and operate. And it's going to hurt and you're going to cry and every day is going to feel worst than the last. Until one day it doesn't. Not because you're over "it". You're not. But because you're feeling. You're allowing yourself to feel.

So many times people think as soon as they start to feel better they're "over it". I know I do. Wouldn't it be so much easier if that's how life worked? And then once it's been a month or two or three, if you talk to your friend about that guy or losing a family member, wouldn't they say "hasn't it been a while? you should try to move on."

And they probably would. But if they do, then screw them. Screw them and validate yourself. Validate what you're feeling and explore why. If you get sad six months later why did you? Trace that emotion back to the very root in you that it sprouted from. Once you do that, you will be able to feel and work through that pain.

If you, unfortunately, are surrounded by people who think you should just "get over it", then journal. Go to a therapist. Contact me. Just don't keep it in, don't keep it down. Validate your emotions and let them out.