It’s (almost) Valentine’s Day, ladies. Trash the Barefoot Moscato you started to pregame with (alone) for the Fifty Shades of Grey premiere and forget about consuming the entire box of Godiva chocolates that you specially delivered to yourself. Forget about that boy you met at happy hour last month who hasn't texted you in a week and whip out your shot glasses, limes, and tequila.
You are a single independent woman who don’t need no man and you will not settle for a last minute right swipe Tinder date. You’re classy, confident and collected. So let loose, and prepare for the drinking game of a lifetime with your uptight single girlfriends.
Note: for each V-Day event you see below, keep a running tally list throughout the day for each time you see one of the 10 V-Day instances to drink on. Adding extra tally's isn't a sin.
1. If you saw a girl walking around campus struggling to carry the huge teddy bear in her arms, take a sip of your drink. Take a shot if the girl was complaining about how "miserable" she was walking around with something so unbearably heavy. Poor thing. We all feel so bad for you.
2. Take a shot if that nerdy guy from Tinder that you accidentally swiped right on messaged you to go out to dinner. Take three shots if he messaged you to go on a romantic stroll to his apartment to "just watch Netflix" with him. Ladies, we all know what that really means.
3. Take a shot if you found yourself in your freezer digging out your Ben and Jerry’s ice cream that you were saving to eat after bikini season and Spring Weekend. If you had a boyfriend, he would have forced you to eat 8,000 calories today anyways, so you have the right to devour the whole tub.
4. Go ahead and chug your entire drink if you just realized Valentine's Day is a Saturday this year.
5. Take a sip of your drink if you scrolled down your Instagram feed and saw a candid picture of someone’s “bae” or “love of their life.” Take a shot if you purposely did not like the candid picture out of bitterness toward the love-birds and you've convinced yourself they probably don’t like each other that much anyways.
6. Take a shot if you see a couple holding hands on campus. (Note: As we all know, this is a foreign act of affection in Tallahassee. Boys don’t hold girls hands here. It's not in their DNA--but today they have no choice.)
7. Take a sip of your drink if you see a girl on campus in her annual Valentine's Day uniform: all blacked out. But really, black out or back out.
8. Take two shots if you see a typical chick (most likely wearing norts and an oversized t-shirt) convincing her friend she's "literally going to be like forever alone."
9. Chug your entire drink if a boy waltzed up to you, swept you off of your feet and handed you a rose. Disclaimer: this won’t happen. You won’t have to chug your drink. Well, unless you want to.
10. Take a shot if you and your girlfriends agree that girls rule and boys drool, you’re all each other’s soul-mates, and that boys are just people to have fun with and that "Valentines Day is just another regular day," etc.
By this point, you should all be laying on the kitchen floor laughing hysterically at absolutely nothing. You should have also realized by now that you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, anyways. And remember, no boys allowed.
