Being a gay male in a predominantly straight society is not as hard as most people say. Yes I dealt with bullying in grade school and it seems like I was being teased for being gay even before I realized I was. But like a lot of things in my life, I overcame it and moved on to bigger and better things. Luckily I was born at a time when society was being forced to accept a lot of things including homosexuality.

While the legalization of same-sex marriage is fairly new to the U.S., same-sex dating is not and even when it was illegal, people of nonheterosexual orientation have found ways to be together. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of grotesque history about gay bathhouses and some not so clean locations, but I am talking about more than sex. I would argue that it was easier to have a one-time sexual encounter than it was to maintain an illegal relationship. We are all taught when we are young that when you become older, you want to find a person to settle down with, get married and have children, whether you are gay, straight or something in between. Granted this is not a one size fits all situation just like anything else.

We often learn from our parents what marriage is like and that can either encourage or in some cases discourage us from wanting it. For example, my parents were never married but they were together and acted like a married couple so it didn't really seem any different. The only reason I ever questioned it was because they had different last names and so did my sister and I. Although this just may be my personality type showing, I have always been independent. So much so that you could possibly say I have commitment issues.

I am not trying to get into a therapy session but I am creating a context for a problem that many people gay and straight have. In today's technological world there are a large number of dating websites like POF, eHarmony, Tinder, etc. that are aimed at finding you a life long partner and most nowadays have adapted to help non-heterosexuals find love as well. Then you have the websites that are specifically targeting those under the LGBTQ+ spectrum like Jack'd, Grindr, Her, etc. which aim at helping these individuals find others like us to talk to although most of these apps have more success facilitating random sexual encounters.

But I think they also serve another purpose, they help us decipher between who is gay and who is not. If you went to a bar and watched all of the people, you would have a hard time trying to pick out a potential mate because there are usually no ways to tell if someone is straight or not without making gross assumptions about people. This can be avoided a couple of ways: 1). go to a bar that is oriented for the people you are trying to pick up 2). take a chance and risk rejection. There are not many who would do the latter but I applaud their bravery. So the obvious choice is to go to a venue whether it is a bar, club, or anything else that is intended to attract those types of individuals.

If you are not willing to strike up a conversation with a stranger at a bar or you are an introvert like me then you might consider trying an app. The purpose of this article is not to condemn the use of these apps or the people that use them because I am guilty myself, but instead the purpose is to try to give a perspective of someone who is trying to find a mate in less than 20% of the population. It also just depends on the type of person that you are, personally I am an introvert and never have the courage to go up to someone and strike up a conversation. I am okay with this because opposite me are those people who would do that.

So if you are worried about not knowing who to flirt with and who not, I would say to take looks and beauty at face value because there are many different components that make up a relationship.