Night after night, I've been scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram in order to find some kind of significance in my own life but all I seem to find is fake personas of people that I've surrounded myself with, a fake sense of intimacy, and a weird need to constantly have my phone at my fingertips.
I didn't have an iPhone or my own laptop until senior year of high school and although it's been useful, it's a whole new world when you have constant access to social media. After adjusting to the new world, it's becomes weird to imagine yourself without it.
When I have my phone, I have a shield to hide myself with when I should be focusing on resolving my own problems. I'm also less aware of what's going on around me. Sure, I accumulate so much information of what's going on around the world through many articles and anecdotes and videos and messages and phone calls. Actually, every time my phone dings it's a new piece of information of what's going on in the world.
While I keep piling up information in my brain of what's going on in the world, I forget to notice the physical world around me. I forget to notice the strange but beautiful flowers that have been growing next door to me. I fail to notice the nice, old man that just wants to say hi to someone who isn't glued to their phones. When my music's blasting in my ears, I can't hear the honking of the horns, the jazz music coming from the bar right across the block, or the newlywed couple arguing over paint colors.
Yes, I've become intimate with my friends and I've become much more intimate with "the world." However, I'm losing intimacy with my world and it makes me feel naked. It feels like the awkward stages of becoming friends with someone. I feel uncomfortable and insecure with who I am constantly, and I keep hoping that I'll be a part of something soon.
The worst thing is, when you're lying awake at night, completely unsatisfied with your life and everyone on social media seems as though their lives are more significant than your life. Half of them seem so much happier, more beautiful, with much more glamorous lives and the other half seems to be careless, constantly hiding their insecurities with sarcasm and memes.
Why are we so afraid of being transparent?
Transparency is great! Why should we hide who we truly are, how we truly feel in order to "be a part of something?" I want to be intimate with real people with real emotions.
It might feel weird to put your headphones away and have nothing to shield you from your everyday problems and it may even feel impossible but a five minute walk without music will help you notice everything you've been missing out on.
