I’m not sure exactly how to go about writing this without sounding like a complete, passive aggressive person with an arsenal of excuses. So, I’ll just go ahead and get this out in the open: I am an unorganized, human tornado who lives in a semi-constant state of clutter.

However, just because I don’t have a panic attack over stacks of papers, lack discomfort with the laundry heaps scattered about my room and have an uncanny ability to ignore dirty dish piles as long as possible, does not mean I am unintelligent, unmotivated, uninspired and unable to get things done. I assure you that what I lack in immaculate cleanliness, I make up for in my ability to problem-solve in unique ways and thrive in an environment of constant movement, both physical and mental.

I can say, with confidence, that looking at the state of my desk space at work can raise eyebrows and blood pressure. However, I know precisely what I have in/on my desk and exactly where each of these items are. If you asked me for a certain piece of paperwork, maybe I wouldn’t open a drawer of immaculately labeled folders, but instead start sifting through a pile of seemingly random papers on top of my desk. In as much time as it takes to look through perfectly organized files, I can find exactly what you’re looking for.

As a matter of fact, there is some evidence to show that those with messy desks are actually more creative. Bustle reports on a study done at the University of Minnesota, “…maybe, rather than being lazy, those coworkers were just expressing their own creative take on the concept of ‘filing’ — that same University of Minnesota study found that subjects were better at completing creative thinking tasks after spending time in the messy room. Study leader Dr. Kathleen Vohs reported ‘Disorderly environments seem to inspire breaking free of tradition ... which can produce fresh insights.’”

Does it make sense to have a tidy workspace, with a system of folders, file separators, labels and neatly checked-off to-do lists? Absolutely.

Except my work environment is fast-paced to the point that when 5:00 rolls around, I am actually annoyed that the workday is over. I don’t find that I have nearly enough time in the day to get everything done that I want to accomplish, and I can honestly assure that I don’t waste a second of my day with unnecessary distractions. And, in my opinion, taking time to go through every paper and file I have, and then decide how to organize it all in a way deemed socially acceptable is completely a waste of my time. Those precious minutes I have are dedicated to feverishly typing, editing and correcting client notes and Medicaid billable paper work for every one on my caseload, and driving to apartments to attend appointments.

I counsel clients with varying mental illness diagnoses, and guide them through whichever issues they feel they cannot do alone. What I lack in appropriate office habits, I make up for out in the field actually building a trusting, therapeutic relationship with people that I truly enjoy working with on a daily basis.

I don’t agree with everything about the health field in general, and nor do I believe that paper work should be eliminated entirely (no matter how boring it is). The real issue is the unspoken requirement that I need to focus my time and energy on being tidy, over finishing the work that really matters.

I want a positive space that offers a sense of productivity and calmness, but I also don’t get anxious over clutter. I have this ability to hone my focus onto the most important responsibilities of the day and ignore anything else that is not a top priority.

In fact, there are many studies being done that show just how beneficial unorganized people and spaces are. According to DailyMail, “A messy desk can actually lead people towards clearer thinking, say researchers from Germany. The researchers found in a series of linked studies - using a messy desk and a messy shop front - that people actually thought more clearly when all around was chaos, as they sought to simplify the tasks at hand… Visual and mental clutter forces human beings to focus and think more clearly.”

This concept makes so much sense to me. Looking at the clutter on my desk, you will see a variety of things: work that is in the process of being corrected and completed, work that is completed in a separate area, work that I need to start and patches of post-its and scribbles decorating my computer and keyboard. If someone were to “help” me by cleaning my entire corner of the office, no amount of labeling and filing would ease my anxiety.

To someone who thrives on neatness and organization, I understand that what you see is confusing. To someone like me, who functions perfectly through chaos, I see exactly where I left off the workday before and what I need to work on that particular day.

I instantly feel ashamed when others comment on my mess because I feel like I am being irresponsible and talked down to. But, as I continue to realize that I am a valuable asset to an office-centered environment, my sense of shame and guilt disappear and I realize that I owe zero explanation to how my brain works.

I have always been messy and disorganized. My parents tried to instill a sense of neatness in me, but failed to an extent. I clean when I feel I have the energy and time, otherwise, my mind is off in many directions and I have no patience with valuable time wasted cleaning. I also happen to become extremely exhausted by the end of the day because with a racing mind, comes a hard crash once you realize your day is almost over and you don't have to think until tomorrow.

Make your own judgments about how I operate. I can see where I sound like a wreck who should just get it together and organize my life, but I have learned how to use my thought processes to my advantage. Don’t assume that my brain works the same as someone who thrives on order and organization.

Sometimes life is too short to waste time cleaning to fit in to another person’s neatly, organized idea of how things should be. I find calm in the chaos, what's wrong with that?