Have you ever met that one person who upon minutes after meeting them, made you question all of your life decisions straight down to the type of toothpaste you choose to use? Not only is she wearing an outfit that looks as though it could be worn on the red carpet and to a lunch date yet would be appropriate for both occasions, but within the mere two minutes since you met, she has made it obvious that she has a perfect boyfriend, has traveled the world, and has a 4.0 GPA. In my experience, this is a classic case of insecurity.
Especially in college, we are prone to many insecurities. Since we are in a competitive environment, it is even easier to get caught up in the things we dislike about ourselves. During tense times, especially around midterms or final exams, sometimes it is hard to remember that we all become a bit insecure. It is easy to get mad at our friends and peers, because we think they are purposely being rude to us. But we have to remember that it is easiest to take things out on the people you love, because you know they will always stick around. This doesn't excuse their rudeness, but it is something to remember during tense times.
This insecurity can show up in your body image or confidence in who you are. You may see your friends projecting their own insecurities on to you. It can be difficult to know how to help them in these situations. In my experience, one of the best things you can do is validate the feelings they are having. What I have learned is that one of the worst things you can do is say, "What are you talking about? You are so pretty/smart/funny." All this does is add to their insecurities by saying what they are feeling is inaccurate and invalid. You have to validate their feelings and say that you understand that they feel that way but that you disagree. There is a fine line between shutting down someone's feelings and acknowledging someone's feelings.
Another important thing to work on is staying in control of your own emotions while your friends are projecting their insecure feelings. You have to try to recognize when insecure people are beginning to compromise the security you may be feeling in that moment. If helping your friend is becoming too overwhelming for you and beginning to make you insecure as well, it is important to take a step back from the situation and help yourself first. If you are both projecting your insecurities on to each other, this will only create more tension and neither of you will feel better. So try to remove yourself from the situation in that moment so that you can take a deep breath and remember that you and strong and confident. Once you have done this, helping your friend will be that much easier!
