I got married almost a year ago, and since then I get a very well meaning, but confusing question: "How's married life?" It annoys me so much.
I know what people mean. What they're really asking is if I am adjusting well to the changes that come along with integrating another person into your life. They say the first year of marriage is the hardest ,,after all. However, the question implies that my life is so drastically different and ingrained that I am no longer an independent person, which simply isn't true. Not much has changed, yet so many people get starry-eyed when thinking about their future married life. Allow me to give you an insider's look on the glamour.
1. We still get up and get ready just like anyone else.
Just because you're married doesn't mean you don't have dog's breath -- it just means that now someone tells you. It's also a lot like college--too many people trying to cram into one bathroom, and unfortunately waking up when the other one's alarm goes off.
2. We still have separate hobbies.
Derr loves to play video games, which are not my jam at all. I love to make spicy pickles and paint my nails. To each his or her own. We each have things that bring us joy, and we let each other have those things, even if we don't want to participate. Nuptials do not mean that you lose all of your individual hobbies in order to do everything your spouse does. Trust me, spending that much time with someone does not lead to a happy relationship.
3. We do not have -- ahem, relations constantly, all the time.
This one cracks me up the most because I firmly think that people believe that after you get married that's all you do. We both work very demanding jobs and in our off time, we still have things to do, like sleep, eat, schoolwork, have friends. Sex is a part of marriage, yes, but just because we are newlyweds does not mean we are going at it 24/7.
4. People ask about babies all the time.
When you want to have babies, if you want to have babies, who is going to stay at home, how many you want, what are you going to name them, do you want girls or boys...even if you never plan on having children, people ask you and expect you to procreate. But not too soon, or too late, or too many, or too few.
5. We got married for thousands of different reasons.
I do not have time to spell them out for you! We prayed and weighed heavily on the decision because marriage is not to be entered into lightly. The reasons to get married far outweighed and outnumbered the reasons to not, and that's why we decided to tie the knot.
6. We still have boundaries.
I don't like people playing with my hair -- no one, not even my husband. This didn't change just because I share a bed with Derr. He does not enjoy people touching his face or his beard, and I respect that. Do you like feet in your face? No? You won't want your spouses feet in your face when you get married -- regardless of how close you are.
7. We have heated fellowship.
My husband and I have strong opinions on everything from politics to dishwashing liquid, which means we do clash occasionally. However, we have learned that marriage is all about yielding. There will be fights - -hopefully, not many -- but just because you have a disagreement with someone does not mean that you no longer love them or that they are not your "person." In fact, it can mean just the opposite.
There you have it. Married life is just as messy as regular life. There are no sparkles that float around and no red carpet rolled out as soon as I walk in the door. The chores are still the same, "Grey's Anatomy" still sits on my Netflix queue, and I still have girls nights -- still no boys allowed.
