It’s funny (in an ironic, can’t-stop-life-from-happening sort of way) when you have a revelation at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night, sitting in bed eating Girl Scout cookies instead of being out having fun in your last semester of college.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always joked to my friends about having “semi-annual feelings" —nights when everything becomes too much for me and I mentally berate myself until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer, and my friends bare witness to a subtweet or three summarizing the twice-yearly war I wage on myself.
This semester’s breakdown theme: the uncertainty of post-grad life.
College, as a freshman, felt a lot like being thrown to the wolves. I had finally survived a K-12 of the three — bullying, (b)acne and bitches — only to enter a brand new world of anxiety and narrow parking spots (and anxiety because of the narrow parking spots).
Things did seem a little easier sophomore and junior year —between the nights I can’t remember (mainly because I was throwing up, messing up or crying), and the nights I won’t forget (some I wish I could —sorry, Pinterest, the quote is cuter on a stock image than my life).
By the time I hit the middle of my college career I was pretty set with a solid foundation of friends, food, fun and family. Things had been going really well for awhile; I was getting good grades, going out, making friends and really making sure that I had “the college experience.” Then senior year hit me like nothing else ever has. No, this wasn’t the “senior year of high school OMG no more lockers” mental breakdown. This wasn’t even the “wait, what do you mean Mike’s Hard Lemonade isn't cool?” awakening. This was something of its own horrible, alarming and sudden caliber.
There are no guarantees after undergrad. You’re handed a cap, gown, diploma and enough debt to make you reevaluate all of your life choices. And then that’s it: the “real” world. Before this year, I never really worried about the immediacy of “what comes next” after college — but now it’s a constant tick in my mind. Grad school? Entry-level job that isn’t what I want to do? Stay in my parent’s basement? From a certain mindset, the possibilities are unfortunately not endless. So where do I go from here?
Anywhere.
Yes, the uncertainty of familiarity after undergrad is scary. But leaving high school is scary. Your first heartbreak is scary. Failing your first test is scary.
But life isn’t about being scared, apprehensive or regretful. Life is about moving forward one day at a time. Contrary to popular belief, no one expects you to have everything figured out the second that you walk off of the sweat-, regret- and fear-covered stage at graduation. So move forward at your own pace and do what you need to be happy, because, at the end of the day, that will count for and impact your life a lot more than where you are a year after undergrad.
