They say a girl’s first true love is her father. A father who is there for every milestone, obstacle and success she has for the entirety of her life. He should love endlessly, teach valuable lessons and give constructive advice only a father could give his daughter. He should never miss a birthday celebration. He should recall how fast time has passed and how much she has grown each coming year. He should be there when his daughter has her first heartbreak to comfort her in a way only a father could. He should be there cheering her on proudly at her games and when she is on stage performing. He should express how proud he is of her when she receives her acceptance letter to college and when she walks across the platform of her high school graduation to accept her diploma. But unfortunately, you missed it all. I conquered the battles only a father could comfort most daughters through without you fathering me.

You did not earn the right to be my first true love yet my heart still breaks for you. It breaks because you could not see how far I have come or the woman I have grown up to be or the lives I will change or the future I will have. You will never witness those who look up to me and know for certain I will go far and you will never see the yearning for success in my eyes.

I know you are still out there and sometimes I wonder if you think about me too -- especially on Father’s Day. On that day, I avoid the ample social media posts, the commercials and the celebratory cards all because they become uncomfortable and quite painful reminders of your absence in my life.

I have many flaws because of you. True, lasting love seems like a mere myth to me, I have trouble with the thought of marriage, I cannot trust very easily, my self-esteem is not the highest and many, many others. Despite these imperfections, I have realized my better and even healthier characteristics. Once I trust someone, I full-heartedly trust them and when I love someone, I love them with all my heart and I am deeply proud of that. I do not believe I would have as great qualities as these if you were in my life growing up.

But even though I have been rejected from pretty much the start by you, it has made me even stronger. I have had to face many obstacles in my short 18 years of life so far and I have had to grow up fast in the process. I also have had to learn to fill the emptiness you left in me. I barely made it, but I am here and I am stronger than ever before. I am ready to conquer adulthood without you.