I served coffee to a favorite regular customer of mine recently. Large, iced skim half-caf vanilla latte with half the vanilla, otherwise known as a Large Iced Chris. “How are you, man?” he asked, always smiling as he is. “Well, good,” I paused, “but I can’t decide if am happy to be back in school or stressed about the workload coming my way.”

“Both can be true.” As October begins and the United States Presidential election looms, I am reminded of those words, “Both can be true.” I will try my hardest to explain the ethical turmoil that is consuming my mind.

Confessions of a Bernie-Or-Buster who is having feelings of temptation:

Senator Bernie Sanders entranced me. He is the first politician to make me truly excited about politics. Throughout his campaign, I have seen him do the same to millions of people of all ages across all fifty of the United States, and it is nothing short of amazing. His message grabbed me by my hearts; he showed me that politicians could be relatable and lovable in a way that no one in my memory has before. Bernie takes on problems not just because they are his problems or problems of his Vermont constituents but simply because they are problems. He spoke to my personal concerns and concerns for the world in a way that no one else did. Bernie got it. I implicitly trusted Bernie Sanders with every bit of my heart. I cannot even say that about most of my close friends; this man was something special.

My heart shattered into pieces strewn across a gymnasium floor on July 12, 2016, in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. I stood just twenty feet away from my hero as he endorsed a woman that I detested. I booed Secretary Clinton. I jeered when Jim Dean of Democracy for American congratulated Bernie on his hard-fought campaign, “We are at our best when we are debating this issues.”

“What about the debate she agreed to in California?” I called back.

“I guess you’ll be voting for Trump then?” a woman sneered at me. Arched thin, her eyebrows scolded me as she hissed though her teeth. Her crayola blue pantsuit and bright red lipstick emulated the Secretary. I told her that I wanted to be heard, to which she rolled her eyes and told me to, “just shut up.”

“I will never, ever, ever vote for Hillary Clinton in my lifetime. She embodies everything I hate about American politics.” –Me, September 2015-present (with increasing intensity).

I wrote a little bit of a journal entry after that event. I said that the whole forced event was contrived and uncomfortable. The “Stronger Together” slogan was laughable, people in suits and earpieces told me to quiet down my chants for Bernie and snatched his campaign signs away from people standing around me. One would have thought we held Donald Trump signs rather than cheering for one of the universally best-liked politicians in Washington. Speakers at the rally repeatedly called for the defeat of Donald Trump. It was not about coming together for what Democrats can do together, but rather what Democrats must prevent. Democrats have traditionally criticized Republicans for fearmongering tactics, but here it was. That rally exposed every extremity of exactly why I could not stand Hillary Clinton.

Since early July, I have pieced together my heart again, but I will always angrily remember the Democratic Primary of 2016 with a sour stomach.

“Never lose your sense of outrage," says Bernie Sanders.

I will not, Senator, I promise.

Following Bernie’s endorsements, the Clinton campaign has “evolved” by adopting progressive policies on education and taxation. Most recently right here in Durham, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders pushed forward his (well, technically hers now) plan for tuition-free colleges. Her shifts toward his policy positions make his leverage on her campaign palpable. I believe that his endorsement of her makes Hillary Clinton beholden to him who is beholden to his constituents. Senator Sanders and Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) provided evidence of that by sending loud public messages to the presidential hopeful about her cabinet selections. My distaste for Hillary Clinton will never vacate my tongue. Her name will always curl my lip and scrunch my nose. I cannot bring myself to support her. The election draws near and the reality of a certain Donald Trump in the White House is, I believe, more horrifying than Hillary Clinton in the same position. I know there are other options, and I, too, hate the two-party system, but progressive voters need to be disillusioned on the Gary Johnson ticket. I admire his candor and opposition to the status quo, but this article, praised by Jane Sanders, outlines the issues on which Johnson opposes what Bernie believes. There are many. (Though I disagree with the "wasted vote" logic the author employs

"I am a college student with a long life ahead of me, lots of debt waiting to pounce on my entry-level salary, and socio-societal concerns for the nation in which I will be raising children; I cannot stand for a Donald Trump presidency." –Me, contemplating life ahead.

The biggest issue I have with Hillary Clinton is that I do not trust her; she has done nothing to earn my trust. Even if people enthusiastically “With Her” protest that she is trustworthy, my emotions are valid simply because I have them. While I do not like the idea of a Hillary Clinton presidency, I feel more comfortable with it if warriors like Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren are breathing down her neck. If they perch on her shoulders, I trust them to continue to funnel my voice into her ears, through the thick, mucky wax built from years of playing the Washington game.

This Bernie or Buster is not sold on Hillary Clinton. However, even if it makes my stomach turn to say so, I might be able to warm up to her if my progressive heroes hold my hand. In deciding between whether I trust them or am nervous about her, I have decided that both can be true. Warming up to the idea of voting for Hillary Clinton does not mean she is someone I believe in. It means that I believe the United States government is not a dictatorship. I believe that a president who will be held accountable by her well-loved peers will be more beneficial to this country than a bullheaded bigot. Voting for Hillary Clinton, for ex Bernie Bros comes with a caveat. Bernie Sanders ignited the country with a political awakening. Our job is to refuse to hit the snooze button on the revolution. We lose by becoming complacent. Politicians like Bernie and Elizabeth Warren are powerful by their own merits, but with our enthusiastic support they are revolutionary. By staying involved, informed, and intrepid the revolution will continue and we will topple the system of the one percent. No one said revolution would be easy. Bernie is handing us the baton for now. We must be ready to run with it.