Accepting The Truth Will Set You Free, Give Yourself Some Credit

Accepting The Truth Will Set You Free, Give Yourself Some Credit

The concept of addressing anything in life is the answer to one who is in the process of searching for their best self.

I will admit that, throughout my life, I was always the first person to self-deprecate. When something in my life failed for reasons that may have been out of my control, I was the first to blame myself. I was the first to over-analyze, and the first to jump to conclusions without knowing the entirety of the story.

I was the first to criticize myself, I was the first to disregard myself. I was the first to deprive myself of genuine happiness without reason. And I was the first person to ignore the truth.

I do believe to the fullest extent that I am not the only person who has ever pictured themselves in such a manner. In fact, I believe that these thoughts often cross each of our minds more than we are willing to admit. We, as a society, as a community - as a generation - find it acceptable to degrade ourselves due to the lack of love we show to one another.

We rely heavily on the thoughts and opinions of others to define our self-worth. We find it less intimidating to tear others down rather than to face ourselves and acknowledge our own insecurities.

After all, it is far easier to be hyper-critical of another person rather than addressing our harshest weaknesses that lie beneath the surface.

What we never quite tend to see, though, is that the concept of addressing anything in life is the answer to one who is in the process of searching for their best self. The more we ignore the negative translations of thoughts into actions, as well as the constant doubts and speculations that run rampant through our minds, the more we continue to torture ourselves. The truth is difficult, and the truth can be terrifying.

It is often unpleasant, as it is almost always consequential. Yet, we will never experience growth in any aspect of our lives until we come face to face with the purest forms of the truth.

I will also admit that, while crafting the initial statement above, each of those sentences began with the words “I am.” Yet, after reevaluating my words, I came to realize that the phrase “I am” was simply inaccurate.

At one time, I would have never hesitated to admit that “I am,” in fact, an embodiment of those notions. I would convince myself that “I am” the reason of an attempt resulting in failure. I would have forced myself to accept the fact that the words above were simply what I was-that the words on this page defined my worth in every way. Now? Those “I am” statements hold no power.

They are meaningless and their relevancy has been lost. Those words are not the truth, nor were they, nor will they ever be. Those words are not who “I am.” Rather, they are what I can only hope that I will never be.

I believe that each of us are far stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes, we are just forced to wait for the proper opportunity to arise so that we may ignite the fires inside of our souls.

Cover Image Credit: @twopeasinaprada

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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You ever get a compliment from a fellow female and they're like, "Girl, yes girl. The outfit, the hair, YES." Ladies understand and appreciate our efforts.

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