I will admit that, throughout my life, I was always the first person to self-deprecate. When something in my life failed for reasons that may have been out of my control, I was the first to blame myself. I was the first to over-analyze, and the first to jump to conclusions without knowing the entirety of the story.
I was the first to criticize myself, I was the first to disregard myself. I was the first to deprive myself of genuine happiness without reason. And I was the first person to ignore the truth.
I do believe to the fullest extent that I am not the only person who has ever pictured themselves in such a manner. In fact, I believe that these thoughts often cross each of our minds more than we are willing to admit. We, as a society, as a community - as a generation - find it acceptable to degrade ourselves due to the lack of love we show to one another.
We rely heavily on the thoughts and opinions of others to define our self-worth. We find it less intimidating to tear others down rather than to face ourselves and acknowledge our own insecurities.
After all, it is far easier to be hyper-critical of another person rather than addressing our harshest weaknesses that lie beneath the surface.
What we never quite tend to see, though, is that the concept of addressing anything in life is the answer to one who is in the process of searching for their best self. The more we ignore the negative translations of thoughts into actions, as well as the constant doubts and speculations that run rampant through our minds, the more we continue to torture ourselves. The truth is difficult, and the truth can be terrifying.
It is often unpleasant, as it is almost always consequential. Yet, we will never experience growth in any aspect of our lives until we come face to face with the purest forms of the truth.
I will also admit that, while crafting the initial statement above, each of those sentences began with the words “I am.” Yet, after reevaluating my words, I came to realize that the phrase “I am” was simply inaccurate.
At one time, I would have never hesitated to admit that “I am,” in fact, an embodiment of those notions. I would convince myself that “I am” the reason of an attempt resulting in failure. I would have forced myself to accept the fact that the words above were simply what I was-that the words on this page defined my worth in every way. Now? Those “I am” statements hold no power.
They are meaningless and their relevancy has been lost. Those words are not the truth, nor were they, nor will they ever be. Those words are not who “I am.” Rather, they are what I can only hope that I will never be.
I believe that each of us are far stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes, we are just forced to wait for the proper opportunity to arise so that we may ignite the fires inside of our souls.