In reality there are very few things in our lives that we have complete control over and unfortunately one of those things isn't who we love, but who loves us in return. I believe that there are hundreds of different kinds of love, and scenarios of love, and in every case we cannot control receiving the same love we give to others. Sometimes no matter how hard or how much you love, it is doesn't make much of a difference in the end.

If you love, like I love, although it may seem unhealthy, it's just part of who you are and you know a few things that others may not. That their happiness means just as much if not more than your own. That seeing them smile is like watching a blood orange sunset on a clear night and the pink and purple clouds that dance around the sky remind you of their laughter. How you would go out of your way to make the laugh. How it only takes a single text or call from them saying that they had a bad day to make you run to their side, even if you just spent hours under the covers crying in your own room. Or like when you see them for the first time after just a day and hug and hold them tight because they are "home" the kind of home you can take with you wherever you go. A piece of your heart outside of your body that you can look at and talk to and dream about. Because when you love someone, you could be drowning and still swim to the shore if you knew they would be there waiting for you.

But the thing about an unrequited love is that you don't know. When you love someone and know that you would do anything for them, wouldn't you assume you would receive the same in return? Well, yes, that's how we were raised "treat others the way you want to be treated". But when it comes to matters of the heart, this is not the case. The love you are giving may not be the love you are getting. That doesn't mean they don't love you at all, that just may mean that it's one of the other kinds of love. They care and they want you to be happy, but just don't necessarily want to be the one to make you happy. And that's the killer. Because no matter what you do or how much of yourself you give, it's not that it will never be enough, it just will never be the "right" love they are looking for.

I strongly believe in "things will fall into place" but at the same time I also am a firm belieber in "going out and getting what you want". There is a fine line between the two when it comes to this kind of love. The kind of love that can separate two hearts in distance, time and space yet still burn. The kind that tears family's apart and leaves scars and bruises on your heart. The kind of love we are all looking for. The kind that keeps you up at night wondering what else you could've done, said, or been. Wondering why you weren't "good enough".

In reality, this love will always be a part of you. Seeing them will always make you doubt take and even when the day comes that you've finally accepted and moved on, you know for sure that if they were to come crawling to your doorstep with tears in their eyes you would be there for them. That's not bad, that just speaks to you and who you are. To the fact that you have so much love in your heart to give that even someone who cannot give it back still had a place. Sure, you'll look at them differently now, but if it weren't for every person you've ever loved, you wouldn't be who you are today. I know I wouldn't.

Yet, there is some sort of odd pleasure in it all. That you learned something about yourself along the way. That you could give so much of your love and yourself to someone who simply didn't/couldn't/wouldn't give it back. You learn that the world is a cold place and that heartbreak is inevitable and that not only can others break your ow, but that you can break your own as well. And that's the worst part of it all, that you couldn't love yourself enough to love and let go.