Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder that is associated with manic and depressive episodes. It can’t be cured, but it can be treated. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was fifteen and put on heavy medication. I didn’t want to believe that anything was wrong with me so I stopped my medication. It wasn’t until I was twenty that I started to realize that I was a toxic person to be around because I was different. I would get angry, depressed, and manic too often and panic attacks were an everyday occurrence. Five years after being diagnosed I realized the doctors were right and that I needed help. I went back to my doctor and she put me on new medicine that caused me to sleep too much, gain too much weight, and feel like a zombie 24/7. I stayed home most of the time because I thought it would be too obvious that there was something wrong with me. My boyfriend would always tell me, “It’s your mindset that matters” and I would hate it because I felt completely helpless like a prisoner to my disorder.
It wasn’t until I was at my lowest that I realized that each day is what I make it. Yes, I might wake up depressed some days but as long as I push myself to achieve something in that day I’ll be okay. During manic episodes, I would find myself seeing the world in a way that many others don’t; I would spend too much money impulsively and I would be extremely irritable for no reason. On days like that I can use my skewed perception in creative ways instead of destructive ways, I can think before I spend money that I don’t have on something that I don’t need, and I can pick and choose my battles. Yes, bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance but that doesn’t mean that I can’t help myself.
I stopped taking my medicine again and decided to take each day on one at a time with hope and faith. I’m not against medicine but personally taking it has just always made me feel worse. I believe that no matter what I could overcome the dark side of this disorder and find the light. Every day will be a battle. There are people who don’t know me at all who judge me for my disorder but there are far more people who know me and love me for who I am. Through the battle I’ve had with my disorder I have learned to love myself unconditionally, and I think that’s the most important lesson any human can learn. Self-love is so important to a healthy life and a healthy mind. It’s up to me to make the best out of my life and my flaws. I’m not saying there’s a cure to bipolar disorder, but the truth is if you can recognize that you need help and want to help yourself you can overcome it each day.
