As I stand at the bottom of the rock wall for the first time a few months ago, I go instantly back to my childhood, anxiously watching my friends climb the giant oak tree at our daycare. Both versions of myself finding sweat gathering in her palms and a small voice in her head that whispers, “It’s too dangerous.” And that voice, small but powerful, was enough to sway my kindergarten-sized self. I grew safely into my identity as the kind of person who didn’t climb trees. The kind of person who fell madly in love with following the rules, because it was safe and comfortable. Risk was a four letter word, equally as profane to me as a colorful and well-placed f-bomb.
Adult me stands at the base of the route, different from years of learning that a bend in the rules, both gravity, and authority, is often necessary. I climb on and once at the top, the fear sets in. I don’t want to let go of the wall, I don’t want to trust that it will catch me, I don’t want to take the risk that something could go terribly wrong. But I do. And I’m fine. In fact, I am more than fine, I feel so fulfilled in that moment.
My time on these fake, colorful blocks, set up in seemingly impossible patterns has taught me many things. Including, but not limited to: daydreaming and belaying are dangerous when combined, harnesses create inevitable camel toes and never, ever climb hungry. But the biggest lesson it has taught me is we are only in control of so much, and one of those things is how vulnerable we chose to make ourselves to the risky situations that could bring us both success and growth.
You can’t make it up the tough routes, both on the wall and in life, without a few leaps of faith, and in those leaps, you’re gonna miss some. The worst thing that is going to happen is you fall. Sometimes you fall soft and sometimes you fall hard, fast and flat on your back. You learn the deeply about yourself when you triumph, when you slip and when you brush yourself off and say, “Yeah, we’re coming back to this 5.10B tomorrow." You find your limits, you find your strengths and then you see where you need to push and where you need to back off. Rock climbing, much like life, is a series of trial and error, if that way didn’t work, you fall a bit and figure out how to succeed differently. On and off the wall, trust yourself, take risks and don’t forget to forgive yourself and start again when you find yourself back on the ground.
