Other “gospels” of self-love will rant about taking lavender bubble baths and treating yourself to a tub of ice cream every once in a while. Yeah yeah, I love those things. Who doesn't?? I so totally get it. In fact, I just sat in my hot tub and then put on some lavender lotion (sort of the same thing…) and then gobbled up some Cherry Garcia. And yeah, I feel great!! But I think there’s more to this self-love thing. There’s more at stake than letting just yourself relax and indulge once in a blue moon.

1. Your first mission: Look in the mirror and say the words “I love you” OUT LOUD.

Have you ever actually done that? I bet you haven’t. It just isn’t something we are ever taught how to do. Society shows us how to do a whole lot of things, but saying “I love you” to our own selves just isn’t one of them. And it’s sad. Frankly, it’s absurd. I know, I know, saying “I love you” out loud to a mirror seems like the absurd scenario here, but really it should be something completely natural. It should be something you do each and every day. And here's the real magic, soon enough the person looking back will begin to believe in those words. Trust me.

So please, go do it. Right now. Seriously! I don’t care if you feel ridiculous. You need to be able to believe in that self-love. No amount of lavender or ice cream can make you believe if you can’t muster the courage to say the words aloud.

2. Your favorite feelings: know them, seek them, cherish them.

You know those simple feelings which make your heart beam? Those feelings which make you feel alive? Which give you fire? Yeah, you know what I’m talking about, and guess what? I’m reminding you that you need to go out and chase those feelings and hold them close. I know they tell you that you shouldn’t chase happiness; you shouldn’t force anything or else it will feel artificial. They teach you that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. That’s nonsense!! How could you ever get tired of the things which make you feel alive? If they no longer make you happy, then it’s time to go out and find whatever it is that will.

Personally, I will never get over the feeling of sunshine of my eyelids. It absolutely thrills me. I bet it’s something you never think twice about. Or the first sip of a latte. A good yawn. The feeling of someone’s cheek against my own as I hug him or her. Being warm and cozy in bed. The smell of wet asphalt. I could go on and on. I shower myself in love whenever I allow myself to be completely present in these moments. I know that taking the extra moment to inhale a deep breath, close my eyes, and appreciate these feelings will exponentially increase my gratitude and happiness. And believe me, it never gets old.

3. Listen to sad songs when you are sad, cry your heart out, and then get back up and live your life with all your heart.

Why is our generation, our whole world so afraid of sadness??? Face it. Sadness is real. It is a sad sad world out there. But you know what? It’s also a really good life. There is so much joy for our hearts to dance to, but it is absolutely and completely OK to be sad. Do you hear me? It is OK to let yourself be sad. Whoever or whatever taught you that it wasn’t is wrong. So go ahead and cry. Feel that sadness. Feel it in you chest. Let it penetrate you fully and then let it go. You will find an immense sense of strength and power in allowing yourself to feel so fully and then get up and walk away from that hurt. You will find yourself looking back over shoulder and thinking “wow I am a real badass.” You will love yourself for being so brave. And then you can look at what is in front of you and go chase some more of that happiness.

4. Know fun facts about yourself.

Think about how much you know about your friends. Now think about how much you know about yourself. You know a whole lot about yourself don’t you? Think about it. You know more about yourself than anyone else ever will. YOU HAVE TO CELEBRATE THAT! It is so so special. The relationship with the self is so important. You must cherish every detail about yourself.

Here’s a quick five fun facts about me that few people know, but that I secretly love about myself… because they are so perfectly and utterly me:

1. I hate Kevin Bacon. Hate is a strong word… But seriously I just can’t stand him and I refuse to watch any movie he’s in. I have no practical reason behind my dislike, and I think it’s hilarious.

2. I am what many people would consider to be a patient and gentle person, but I literally get furious whenever strangers bump into me- even when it’s an accident. I have no clue why. It just riles me up.

3. I cannot stand mayonnaise. Not even the sight of it. Not even the word.

4. I get so unbelievably scared when people chase me. No kidding. Tag makes me scream out in pure fear.

5. I can say the alphabet backwards in less than five seconds. I’m serious.

These things are what really make me me. And in knowing these things, accepting them, and in celebrating them, I am showing myself a deep deep love.

5. Make eye contact with people.

You may wonder how eye contact with other people connects to self-love. At least for me, I realize that I can only hold steady eye contact with people I trust. Eye contact is deeply intimate. They say eyes are the windows to the soul. I think that’s just a teensy bit cliche. But honestly, so much expression comes from the eyes. You show people who you are and how you feel about them in how you look into their eyes. So, in a way, your eyes really do allow you to bare your soul. And doing so takes immense courage.

Eye contact is a powerful thing. It allows you to bridge connections with other people while you simultaneously deepen relationship with yourself. Essentially, as you reveal yourself to others, you are professing your own self-acceptance. You are secretly singing out an anthem of self-love as you look people in the eyes and show them who you are.

6. You owe it to yourself to be brave in every single thing that you do.

I tell myself this almost every day. It’s so important to me that I will probably write another whole piece just about what I really mean by those words. I’ve been talking a whole lot about bravery throughout this entire piece. Bravery is a huge part of self-love. It takes an unbelievable amount of courage to truly love and accept yourself. More than we realize.

Once you learn to love yourself with complete honesty, you will find that it is easier to stand up and take risks. That boy you’ve been crushing on… you’ll realize that you can just go ahead and tell him how you feel. You can be utterly fearless because no matter what you will be there to remind yourself just how beautiful and worthy you are. You will be there to remind yourself that it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like you back. You still have you, and that’s what really matters.

Self-love also helps you feel brave enough to face your mistakes, forgive yourself, and learn from them. Yes, it’s scary as hell, but you know what. You are a force of nature with an infinity capacity to heal and learn. You are a real human being, and that means you make mistakes. It’s OK. You must love yourself enough to get back up, leave your mistakes behind you, and chase goodness once again.

7. Make peace with whatever causes you to feel anger and allow yourself to heal.

Anger is a poison. You cannot allow it to sit in your system. It will eat away at you. Just this year I have begun to understand what it means to feel anger. There was a rage simmering in my chest. Some days it made me want to lash at out at anyone who looked at me wrong. Seriously I was marching around with clenched fists ready to punch complete strangers in the throat for absolutely no reason. After some deep thought and reflection, I realized that this anger was coming from a disappointment in myself and in people around me. I saw that it had the potential to destroy me; it continually attacked my sense of self-worth as well kept me from being fully present in my relationships. I knew that I needed to go in and do some heavy duty healing.

That healing required me to make a constant effort to channel the negative energy into something positive. I needed to forgive myself (forgive others too!), and change my mindset. Soon I was able to channel the anger into pure passion- I wanted to use it to propel myself forwards into goodness rather than hold me back. Before I knew it, I was creating art out of that pain and pushing myself harder than ever before at the gym. I had grown, and in that growth I found healing. But believe me, it wasn’t easy. It was one hell of an uphill battle, but I loved myself enough to grit my teeth and face it all head on.

What I’m really trying to say here:

Self-love is crucial. You are the center of your own universe. I’m not advocating selfishness. No, not by any means. Rather I truly believe that pure and complete self-love is the pathway to true selflessness. You have to love yourself first. From there, you learn what it means to love others. You must always treat yourself with absolute kindness, and then that kindness will naturally extend to every other person you encounter. Your inner peace and love will allow you to love others without effort. But believe me, I understand it sure isn’t easy.

Self-love takes constant effort. The relationship with the self takes just as much devotion as relationships with your loved ones. It isn’t just about doing something nice for yourself every once and a while. It’s about knowing and appreciating yourself on a very deep level; It’s about chasing anything and everything which lights your soul on fire. It’s about being brave.

Self-love is your lifelong journey.

You must make every day count.

This is your life, and at the end of the day, you’re the only you that you’ve got.

SO LOVE YOURSELF!