A small, narrative glimpse into gender dysphoria

Here is the boy. Staring.

He looks down at his own face, but doesn't recognize what looks back at him. It's not necessarily wrong; it just isn't right, as if the details of his face are hidden behind a thin fog. He stares dead into his eyes.

Those, he recognizes.

They're the same blue/green/gray shade they've always been. Although, today, they're more on the gray side. They have been for a few weeks now. He looks up at the top of his head. His hair is longer than it should be. He starts scanning down his face, counting up the features that aren't quite right. His nose is too small, his face is too round, his eyebrows are too thin.

Something fluttering in the corner of his eye draws his attention away from the mirror. He sees nothing moving.

When he looks back up, his attention in on his shoulders. They aren't quite broad enough; at least, not as broad as he thought he remembered them being. He hears footsteps coming down the hallway.

"Lily, are you up yet?"

"Lucas," he corrects, too quiet for his mother to hear. Instead, he yells back, "Yeah, just getting dressed!"

He looks down at the clothes he slept in (a large shirt and a pair of hand-me-down pajama pants) and strips them off. His pace isn't hurried, but he isn't dragging it out, either.

He returns his focus to the mirror.

He looks over his body once more. Not quite with disgust, but not quite with affection. He doesn't hate his body; he just feels like it isn't his.

Slowly, his hands come up to the breasts attached to him. At first they rest there, simply holding them in place. He squeezes them once, for no particular reason other than he could. He lets his hands return to his sides.

His sides.

He looks at his body, the most prominent thought running through his head being "Why am I so curvy?" He looks inward from his hips - between his legs - and is disappointed to see nothing there.

Down go his eyes, to his shins. Freshly shaven and smooth. Not his. His feet are smaller and skinnier than he feels they should be.

He hears a knock on the door and startles.

"O-one second!" he yells back, hurriedly grabbing clothes out of his drawers. He hates the way his voice sounds. He could've sworn he remembered it being deeper.

"Mom said we're leaving in five minutes," his younger sister tells him through the door.

He finishes putting on his clothes and takes one final look in the mirror.

He focuses on his eyes.

He whispers to himself, "maybe tomorrow."

Popular Right Now

19 Reasons Why The 'Part Tomboy Part Girly-Girl' Is The Best Type Of Girl

With us, you get the best of both worlds, the best of BOTH girls.

1. She has a guy's sense of humor so you will constantly be laughing together.

2. She knows how to handle your sarcasm, and she'll throw it right back in your face.

3. Your friends will love her because she is basically one of the guys (except for the facts that she smells good and shaves her legs).

4. She can kick your ass in dizzy bat, pool or maybe, on a good day, beat you in shot-gunning.

5. Little things don't bother her- she is rational and level-headed.

She knows how to put things into perspective and knows what is worth getting mad over and what just isn't.

6. BUT she also has a sensitive side... she knows the ways to your heart whether it is an amazing home cooked meal or a good back scratch.

She is always thinking of ways to make your day because she is thoughtful.

7. She will call you out on your BS, because let's be honest... someone has to.

8. She'll eat pizza and drink beer with you, and maybe if you are lucky she'll even smoke a cigar.

9. She cleans up nice.

Sometimes her hair is in a messy ponytail and a hat, but other times she looks like she just stepped off the red carpet.

10. She doesn't mind getting dirty.

She can spend a day on the boat, fishing and wakeboarding, hunting, shooting guns, or eating unlimited chicken wings with you.

11. She is go-with-the-flow and always up for anything and everything.

Festival? Amusement park? Concert? Drive-in movie? A day at the beach? Hell yeah, sounds awesome.

12. She likes to work out, but she isn't a health freak… sometimes you just gotta have a McChicken.

No regrets, you know what I'm sayin'?

13. She has an open mind about people, places, and trying new things.

You will never be bored with her.

14. She can get along with pretty much anybody.

15. She doesn't care what people think.

She'll be the first one on the dance floor at the wedding, but the same person who helps an older man carry his bags to the car at the mall.

16. Your sisters will adore her, but so will your brothers.

17. She isn't afraid to voice her opinion and stand up for what she believes in.

18. Not only does she not mind doing “guy things," but get this... she actually enjoys them and will do them with you.

She'll watch late night ESPN with you, play basketball in the pool, be player 2 in "Tony Hawk Underground," go fishing, dirt biking, you name it, she is down.

19. Safe to say, we're pretty word.

So word, in fact, we might even be going extinct... So, if we just so happen to grace you with our majestical presence, you better make damn sure you don't let us go.

Cover Image Credit: Catherine Anne Guarino

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

What It Means To Be Nonbinary, From 5 People For Whom It Is A Reality

The future isn't binary.


Until college, I had never met anyone who did not identify with the gender they were given at birth. When I met my first friend who was nonbinary, I had a lot of questions.

Not wanting to be disrespectful, I kept a lot of them to myself, but after reflection, I realized that I would rather ask questions and be informed in order to respect my friends.

Recently, when the topic of being nonbinary has come up in conversation, I realized that a lot of people I know ignore it because they are confused by it. I find that completely ignorant. There is no excuse not to respect how your fellow humans identify.

I decided to write this article to spread awareness and help people understand what it means to be nonbinary. I am not nonbinary myself, but I have many friends who identify as nonbinary. It is not a phase or a trend, and they are real people.

When you google "nonbinary," this is what comes up:

Everyone expresses gender differently, so that is why I decided to interview a few of my friends in order to get a full understanding. Gender, just like sexuality, has no right or wrong answer. It is a spectrum.

A few of my friends have taken new names, which means that the name that was assigned to them at birth is now their "dead" name.

(Some of the interviewees are not publicly out, so I am writing under a fake name for them!)**

I hope this has given you a better understanding of what nonbinary is. Just remember to be kind and respectful of one another.

Related Content

Facebook Comments