In the last few years, it seems our culture has given labels to everything: how you eat, how you dress (metrosexual—where the heck did that come from?), how you live. So when I first heard of Highly Sensitive People (HSP), I thought, yeah, right. Just another label people have created to feel better about themselves.

But then I thought about it. I had always felt more sensitive than most other people I knew—I took things more seriously, more personally, felt bad when other people felt bad, hated loud noises and bright lights and lots of people. I had always assumed this was partly me being overly sensitive and partly me being introverted.

But then I read about HSP.

Even if it is just a name for something that doesn’t need to be named, it is a very helpful concept. It helped me realize that, hey, this might be me. I might be different in this way like I thought I was. I’m not weird or maladapted. (Of course I’m not going to “diagnose” myself, but the signs, in my case, are pretty obvious, and it makes a lot of sense to me. It might make sense to you, too.)

I thought I’d share with you some features of being an HSP. Maybe you’ll see yourself in these traits, as I did, and realize your uniqueness—and normality. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive, people, even if your friends say, “You take things too personally!” or, “Suck it up!” Don’t try to change yourself. I have tried, but couldn’t get rid of these certain tendencies. That’s when I realized maybe they were part of me—not something to get rid of, not flaws, but qualities.

Here are some characteristics of highly sensitive people (taken from Dr. Elaine Aron’s findings. See here, here, here, and here.)

1. Easily overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, smells, sounds, textures, and people

Many of these traits line up nicely with introversion. However, according to Dr. Aron introversion and high sensitivity are not the same. For instance, I lose energy being around people (introversion). But if I am exposed to bright lights and loud noises (being at a party, being stuck at Target too long), immediately there is so much sensory input that I’m overwhelmed, on edge, and eventually, begin to mentally shut down (high sensitivity). Introversion/extroversion is more about social scenarios; high sensitivity is about being sensitive to everything—emotional and physical stimuli.

Not too long ago, I was in an airport and walked past a restaurant. I don’t know what the smell was—maybe coffee combined with some kind of meat, I don’t know—but it was strong, and I hated it. It was revolting; it made me nauseous, anxious, and really uncomfortable. But there were a bunch of people packed in there, waiting in line, and eating. How were they eating? I didn’t eat there, and as I approached it later, I walked fast to get past it.

Also, some highly sensitive people (about 30 percent), according to Dr. Aron, are extroverts. How that works I’m not sure, though Dr. Aron says often these people are raised in “close-knit” communities where they know people very well and see them often. If anyone is highly sensitive and an extrovert, please let me know what your life is like; I can’t imagine being highly sensitive and not introverted (though I can try to imagine).

2. Recognizing other people’s feelings

I guess you could call it intuition. I’ve only recently begun acknowledging this about myself—that when I think someone is uncomfortable, he usually is uncomfortable; when I think someone is angry, she usually is. I don’t know how to describe it; you just get a feeling, and you seem to understand what the person’s actions and facial expressions mean. One reason I haven’t taken this seriously about myself is that I don’t trust my feelings. I’m a very rational, logical person; I like facts and evidence. Screw feelings, I often say. But feelings have a purpose, and I’m beginning to realize that they even help me understand and relate to other people. Big surprise!

3. Avoiding violence

Well, I’m sure my mom would point out that I love the film The Outsiders (I hear you, Mom, don't worry), and in some ways, that’s kind of violent. But of course, I don’t like The Outsiders because of the violence—quite the opposite. I may have grown used to the violence (and I hope I never grow more used to it—becoming desensitized to violence is not a good thing), but I sure don’t like it. I like the story because of the love and the relationships. Also, I like the show Supernatural (mostly I just like the Winchester brothers’ relationship), but I only watch those moments that aren’t violent, because the bloody gore is just disturbing. I remember being over at a friend’s house once and everyone (almost everyone) wanted to watch The Dark Knight, featuring Heath Ledger as The Joker. I wasn’t against it, but I was wary. Later, I was glad I hadn’t stayed overnight to watch the whole film, because as soon as the Joker came into the picture I was very disturbed. Yes, undoubtedly Ledger was a great actor, but I can’t watch that performance. I have never seen the rest of that film and never want to.

4. Feeling deeply

HSPs tend to think deeply, brood, and daydream. Connected to this, they may also be quite creative and spend a lot of time in their inner worlds (i.e., their minds).

5. Heightened emotional responses

To everything. I once saw a film about disabled children in Ukraine when I was eight, and I still remember the face of one little boy with a shaved head who had cerebral palsy and was in a wheelchair but was smiling. He has stuck in my head all these years--someday I want to help those kids like him. I see a homeless person on the street and I curse myself for not having a Clif bar with me to give him. I feel bad for not helping, I wonder if he is hurting, I wonder if he thinks I don’t care about him. Sometimes I feel like crying.

6. Crying (more) easily

Again, because of the heightened emotional responses. At first, I didn’t think this applied to me—I don’t cry a lot. I just don’t. However, I feel deeply, and there are many times I’ve felt like crying in response to someone or something being hurt or alone. And when I do cry, I tend to really cry—i.e., sob. So just because you don’t cry, don’t think you’re not sensitive.

7. Appreciation of art

Any piece of art—a poem, a musical note, a story, a painting—can evoke emotion, and as HSPs are emotionally sensitive, they tend to be more moved by these things. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way, but David Gilmour’s guitar solo in “Money”—that high note gives me chills every time. It’s a strange musical high. It’s addictive. Every time “Money” is on the radio I have to keep it there, just to hear those notes and experience those faint chills. I have a similar obsession with Nancy Wilson’s voice in Heart’s “Treat Me Well”—the note she hits on the second “without you” in the second verse. Wow. You can hear the pain.

8. Sensitive to criticism

I’ve always been bothered by this part of myself. Even when someone says something jokingly like, “Why did you bring that?” or “Yeah, that was pretty ridiculous,” I’m never able to shrug it off. Part of this might be due to some emotional issues early in my childhood (see my inner psychiatrist coming out), but part of this is just because I’m sensitive. I’ve tried to brush these statements off, but I can’t help thinking that maybe that person really had a point. Maybe I need to take that statement more seriously. (Of course, I’m already taking it more seriously.) Maybe I need to change myself. Maybe I am ridiculous. Maybe I do worry too much. And on and on.

9. Taking a while to make decisions

HSPs are very aware of details, and usually very organized. They take longer than the average person to make decisions, because what if? This could lead to this, but this could lead to this. Which is best? Of course, normally conscientious people tend to hem and haw too. I’ve always had this issue, especially when it comes to two right choices: neither one is bad, both have their good points, but for the life of me I just can’t decide. I’ll make a pros and cons list, I’ll dig myself ten feet under by thinking day and night, and I still won’t be sure.

There are a few more traits of HSPs, but some people add or subtract traits, so I tried to only include those that are universally included. About 15-20 percent of the population, according to Dr. Aron, is highly sensitive. So in case you’re like me and want to be not just normal but unique—fear not! You’re in the minority! Celebrate!

And for you highly sensitive males out there: be yourself. More and more research is being done on this topic, and it’s clear that United States culture is not very open to men being sensitive. Many men feel like they have to hide themselves behind a façade of toughness, or at least some kind of generic “manliness.” Don’t do that, please. It’s hell, and no one wants anyone going through hell. Embrace your sensitivity. There are great benefits to it, like understanding people easier and empathizing, appreciating art, and being detail-oriented.

Also, for those of you who are not highly sensitive, or don’t think you are, I hope this article enables you to better understand those highly sensitive people around you. And enables you to, of course, recognize your own unique traits, because each person is unique, even you not highly sensitive, extroverted people.