Dating someone new is exciting, fresh and frustrating. You’re stuck in the phases of “what does this mean,” all the way to “oh boy, how do I end this?” But there’s always the questions lingering in your head: Does this person actually like me? Do they like what I’ve been offering? When does it get serious and that next step get taken?
No one does the job quite like Justin Long in "He's Just Not That Into You," but here's my take on current dating: It's hard to tell these days if someone actually likes you or not with all the mind games and all the cat and mouse chases.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll overthink every single thing that your “crush” does. And hey, it’s not called a crush for nothing — love stinks.
Sometimes the overthinking and being blinded by your current “crush” can cause you to misread signals and make excuses for someone who’s just really not that into you. Here’s what you can do.
Back to dating 101: How to tell if the person you’re dating actually likes you or if they’re just not that into you! Ever since kindergarten, we’ve been telling girls, “If a boy is mean to you, that means he likes you.” No, it means he just really isn’t into you.
I tell my girlfriends all the time, my number one motto is simple: If someone wants to hang out with you and talk to you, then they will!
Stop making excuses for people. They’re not “so busy” that throughout their entire day, they can’t stop whatever they’re doing to say “hi.” I’m not buying it, and sorry, but neither should you. Especially in this day and age, we have so much technology, all you have to do to flirt these days is “like” someone’s Instagram and hey, they must really like you if they hit you with that "flame" emoji in the comments. If you’re into someone, you’re thinking about them throughout the day and hoping to see them soon. The thought of seeing that “special someone” might even help them get through their busy day, so if you’re constantly not hearing from the person you like, it’s probable that they don’t share the same feelings as you might.
So bottom line: If you haven’t talked in a couple days, it’s because they’re really just not that interested in keeping in touch because if they were, you’d know about it. Stop making excuses, hockey practice lasts two hours tops and everyone takes at least a five minute study break to scroll through their latest Snapchats, so if your “crush” didn’t take those five minutes out of their “extremely busy day” to text or call you, they’re just not that into you! These days, everyone has their phones attached to them, so they saw your 10 texts, they just didn't want to answer. Take the hint.
Secondly, you know nothing about their family or life.
Sometimes you might even wonder if they have a family. If they take the time to really get to know you, then I’m sure you’d know about Ma and Pop. The reason you don’t know anything about them is because your crush doesn’t plan on introducing you to them, which, simply put, means they’re not putting the time to invest in you.
Sure, maybe meeting Mom or Dad is a big deal to them, but you should at least know about Mom and Dad, and if you don’t, this means they don’t plan on ever introducing you.
Thirdly, the only time you hear from them is after 11 p.m., or when they’re drunk.
Basically, they like you physically, but if they’re not taking the time out of their day to talk to you, then this means they think you’re only good for one thing and one thing only. So, take your broken heart off your sleeve and find someone who wants to know what’s inside your mind and not your pants!
These annoy me the most. They come around after the bars are closed or a random Monday night when they’re bored and all of a sudden it’s convenient for them to strike up a conversation. Ask me how my day was, not how soon I can be at your house.
Also, they don’t bother to get to know your friends or take you out in public.
If you two have never even gotten coffee or lunch together, and you've been "talking" for a while now, then it’s time to say goodbye. If you’re only hanging on the couch or in bed, then that’s as far as you’re going to get with this person. You’ve become an item and an option, not a priority. Expectations don’t have to be high, but there’s obviously something wrong if you two are never seen in public and only behind closed doors.
They always say that the approval of the person’s friends you’re dating is essential, but how can you get the approval if you’ve never even met their friend circle? You might have met their friends, but how many girls or guys does this person actually introduce to their friends? Have you spent the night out with their friends or do you always just end up going into the bedroom and forced to sneak out in the early hours of the following morning? Point made. You’re a trophy, not someone of importance.
The obvious: They already have someone else in their life.
I shouldn’t have to say this, but since it’s 2016 and cheating has become more popular than Fetty’s latest album, I guess I will.
If you’re a side chick or dude, then unfortunately, that’s all you’ll ever be. You never hear the stories about how the person left their girlfriend or boyfriend for their side piece. You just hear about how the side piece ruined a perfectly good relationship in the first place. So, learn your place if you decide to be a side fling. You’re the late night booty call, the “my girlfriend is out of town” type of person, and that’s all you’ll ever be to them. Know your worth! You’re better than that, and hey, if they thought you weren’t, you’d be their “main piece.”
You two have been “at this” for a while, and they avoid labels at all costs.
You may have even asked a few times, “where is this going?” and they always respond by changing the subject or maybe even not at all, then this isn’t going very far. And, you’re really in trouble when they tell you, “I don’t want anything serious.”
News flash: If someone doesn’t want anything serious, then you’re not going to change their mind with your awesomeness that they only allow you to show them for a couple hours a week, if that! As humans, we all want what we can’t have and love the chasing game, but if someone is being straight up about not wanting anything serious, then chances are, they really mean it.
Also, if you have zero pictures together or if you try to take one, they immediately deny it or “remove” the tag off their Facebook, then they’re really not trying to share whatever you two “have” with the public.
Point blank here: If the feelings are mutual, the effort will be equal.Trust your gut always. If you feel like something isn’t right or if you’re unsatisfied in this twisted and complicated dating world, then chances are, they are just not that into you! If this person does communicate with you, but only in a friendly way, then odds are, this person wants to only be friends.
If this person only communicates with you late at night when they want to have sex, then odds are, this person only sees you as a booty call or FWB.
And finally, if this person already has a significant other, you shouldn’t be talking to them in the first place. You will always be on the back burner. Old, rich men always tell their mistresses they’re going to leave their wives, but they never do, and that’s why the movie “Fatal Attraction” came out. Give it a watch, side chicks, because that’ll be you someday.
A lot of these pointers are so obvious, but I feel like everyone needs to hear them and get their heads out of the clouds; it's time for a reality check. Hey, I’m a hopeless romantic, too, and I want to change the bad boy and make him good for only me, but we all know that only happens in movies, and this is reality.
