Earlier this week, internet sensation @an_ou_student finally took a major stand in a very important issue, tweeting, "Someone needs to write an odyssey article called 'Top ten reasons why nobody reads your ******* odyssey articles.'"

Here's the thing: I actually happen to agree with this productive member of society. Even though I'll never know his name because his account is anonymous, I'd like to extend a hand to this brave conversation starter. It takes a lot of guts to have an opinion like that, and I think it would be an absolute disgrace if his efforts were to go unnoticed.

Most importantly, I admire his demonstration of free speech.

So I wrote that article.

This one's for you, @an_ou_student; the top ten reasons why nobody reads your ******* Odyssey articles:

1. Those who write for Odyssey do it strictly to annoy their friends and family on the internet.

Since childhood, I have had a knack for being the most obnoxious person in the room. After years of ruining family functions with my loud opinions, I was so relieved to learn that I would be joining an Odyssey team. I had been living with a roommate at the time that I was hired, and after months of only having one person to force my opinions on throughout a normal day, the prospect of over a thousand people being subjected to my article while scrolling down their Facebook feed was tantalizing enough to lead me to taking the job without a single question asked.

2. Not enough political bias.

Perhaps I should have listed this first, because it is my biggest issue with Odyssey's platform. I have no idea who its corporate leaders want to win the presidential election, and to be completely honest, it’s a little unsettling. I typically like to visit sites that tell me exactly what I want to hear, which is why I’ve shifted my loyalty to Vice News - where I can read all the news I want, in the exact way that I want to hear it. Some people will tell you that variety is the spice of life, but I would argue that labeling variety as a spice is oppressive and offensive. What if variety wants to be a seasoning or marinade? Those people should stop forcing their traditional flavor roles onto others.

3. Facebook and Twitter are meant to share opinions laced with profanity and anger -- not carefully constructed analysis by college students who are learning to convey thought in an appropriate manner

Now, if you’re like me, your Facebook and Twitter feeds consist of the following: Family, friends, high school acquaintances and complete strangers. But regardless of the source, it warms my heart to see such a wide variety of people have an avenue for sharing their impulse emotions and opinions in a completely unrevised and profane manner on a nightly basis. So while I would very much love to be able to click on an article written by a member of Odyssey, I simply don’t have the time. Instead, I’d rather spend my time arguing with a person I haven’t seen in over a year, in the comment section of a Facebook post that was constructed on the grounds of boredom, alcohol, and a passion for irritating others.

4. Not enough pictures.

I couldn’t even tell you how many times I’ve clicked on a link to an article on Odyssey, only to solemnly exit my browser once the page loaded and I discovered the content is organized in ‘sentences and paragraphs,’ instead of a bulleted list with gifs of my favorite television show characters at the end of each number.

So, to make sure I don’t marginalize my readers, here’s a bonus article inside of another article:

One time that Jim Halpert perfectly described my feelings on complete pieces of writing

5. Most college students can't actually read

Despite the generally perceived notion that college students possess more worldly and spiritual knowledge than any other age group in the world, a new study has revealed that this might not actually be true. In a reading comprehension test that pulled students from over 28 different public and private universities, participants filled out brief questionnaires regarding personal values and beliefs before being asked to read and then summarize multiple news articles from the past fifteen years. The results of the study are as followed:

• A vast majority of participants were found to have only summarized portions of text that aligned with their previously established beliefs. In fact, despite every volunteer using “open minded” when asked to describe themselves in one word (yeah, we counted two words, too), most students couldn’t bare reading opposing viewpoints. One student even wrote, “It’s so ignorant, omg, I just can’t.”
• Articles containing information about the personal lives of celebrities produced the most in-depth summaries. Nearly half of the participant’s even added context to their summaries, offering motives and justifications that weren’t even included in the text.
• Two students removed themselves from the study after coming across a clip that involved Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump, the second shouting on his way out that the “oppressive literature” had “set the equal rights movement back fifty years.”

6. Odyssey writers are not credible sources of original ideas

I, for one, am sick and tired of these other Odyssey writers using fresh ideas in the things that they write. For years, I have worked tirelessly to gather information about what’s happening around me, how to live my life and how to treat others, from the parody accounts of mainstream rap artists and comedians on Twitter. For example, @NotRealKevinHart changed my viewpoint of love when he tweeted, “S[he] Be[lie]ve[d].” @WizzKhalifaa gave me insight to his cultural perspective when he posted a picture of Adam Sandler in a Kindergarten class from the movie Billy Madison, with the caption, “Actually me when the Monsters, Inc. sequel comes out [laughing/crying face, laughing/crying face, laughing/crying face].” I just really hope that all writers on Odyssey can understand that because I am so busy viewing and then reviewing the same tweets, memes and thirty second video clips, I have zero time to add any of their thoughts or ideas into the way I think and communicate - especially when you consider that published articles require a minimum word count of 500.

7. Not enough wireless carriers offer unlimited data

Like I’ve said before, there’s a lot going on these days when it comes to social media. I think I’ve made a pretty good case for staying off of Odyssey already, but in this context, it’s simply a matter of opportunity cost - something I learned in my econ class. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this principle, here’s an example of a problem relating to opportunity cost that you might see on an economics exam (feel free to play along at home):

Anthony has 1 GB of data to last him all month. He has already spent .5 GB of data checking the scores of his favorite sports teams, and .2 GB of data scouring through Yahoo! Answers in the middle of exams that he didn’t study for. This month, Anthony is considering using the remaining .3 GB of data to start an anonymous Twitter account so he can trash people he doesn’t know. If his second choice is to use the data reading articles on Odyssey, what is the opportunity cost of using all .3 GB of data anonymously trashing strangers on the internet?

A.) 0.3 GB of data spent reading articles on Odyssey

B.) 0 GB of data spent reading articles on Odyssey

C.) This isn't a real economics question. This actually doesn't make any sense at all. Are you sure you even passed that economics class, Nolan?

D.) Anthony should get a life

The answer is A. I think. It might actually be B. Also, I think there’s a little truth in C. You should probably just fill in D.

8. One whole article every week? I mean, seriously?

I get that most writers on Odyssey are chasing some sort of dream in the journalism or creative writing fields. What I don’t get, however, is why a majority of these same people seem so persistent in trying to achieve said dream. Once a week, these inconsiderate hacks post a link to their article in their Facebook and Twitter accounts as if their friends and followers don’t have anything better to do with their time. That’s ten articles in three and a half months! To make matters worse, I actually see them on my timeline about 40% of the time. So in those three and a half months, I have to see four articles that were written by somebody that I choose to associate with on these social networks. It’s malarkey.*

*This topic was actually submitted by someone that shared eleven ‘30 second recipe’ videos yesterday. Thank you, kind citizen.

9. They're too long

Sometimes when I see articles on Odyssey being shared on Twitter or Facebook, my first thought is something along the lines of, 'Really? You found 16 reasons why it's okay for cats to wear clothes?' But luckily, most of them are just pictures. But usually, I'll open an article, scroll to the bottom, and think, 'Goodness gracious, there's gotta be 600 words in here!' It's not that I can't read (I scored in the 49th percentile of the aforementioned reading comprehension study), but if you just take into consideration the fact that I also had to take the time to type www.theodysseyonline.com, that's almost a whole afternoon spent reading something that somebody was proud to have written, and I'm simply not that charitable.

10. The same reason that nobody cares about your summer business internship

I’d like to think that the guy who runs @an_ou_student is currently interning in a marketing department somewhere this summer. I’d also like to think that when he got that internship, he posted something like this on his Facebook account:

Ahem. It is with great pleasure that I announce that I will be accepting a marketing internship at CM Auto Company. It took a great deal of hard work, sweat and family connections to get me this internship, so I would appreciate if you could honor my accomplishments as such:

Family Members: Like this post, and then post a one to two sentence congratulatory comment below that states how proud you are of my efforts, how much confidence you had in me, how much you love me, and also, if it’s applicable, name at least one other person you know that also works at CM Auto Company. I’m not really sure why, but most people do that for some reason.

Friends: Like this post, but do not comment below. Rather, I’d like to receive a congratulatory text that reads something along the lines of, ‘You got an internship at CM? That’s so awesome, dude.’ Really make me believe that you’re blown away by how prominent I’ve just become, even though you know six other people with internships there this summer.

Strangers: Like this post and nothing else. Despite our lack of communication, I need as many likes as possible on this post to boost my ego.

Look, the truth is, we’re all just trying to make it. Odyssey allows for college writers to develop a portfolio of published content and to experience what it’s like working with deadlines and editors. It’s valuable to journalism students in the same way that speed networking events are valuable to business students.

The only difference between writing for Odyssey and you scoring an internship in your field is that posting to Facebook about it is actually a part of our job.

And if I'm being honest, I actually thought the tweet was kind of funny. It's just a bummer that @an_ou_student won't even get to read it.