The Top 5 Proven Ways to Lose Weight Fast

The Top 5 Proven Ways to Lose Weight Fast

For those who would do anything to get skinny (except eat healthy and work out).
33
views

I'll be the first to admit it, I'm a sucker. Seriously, I am the biggest sucker on earth. I am the kind of person who "As Seen on TV" products and slot machines are targeted at. If I walked into a gym and someone said "here, have a cool eucalyptus towel" I would say "here, have my credit card and social security number" and sign up for like, a ten year membership contract (true story).

Because of this, I love fad diets. Every time I discover a new one, I think it's going to change my life and I'm going to become some hot chick and meet the love of my life and live happily every after, all thanks to cutting out carbs. Learn from my mistakes. Here is a list of what you will lose when on a fad diet:

1. Your friends.

2. Your dignity.

3. Your will to live.

Just to show you how crazy some of these fads can be, here's five of the most bizarre things people have done to lose weight fast.

1. Ear Stapling.

Perfect for: Those trying to lose weight and show their moms "god Karen it's not just a phase, these piercings are a lifestyle."

The Diet: According to ancient acupuncture practices, certain points of the body are connected, and the point that is connected to the stomach is located on the inside of the ear. Because people love to take things way too far, ear stapling has become a thing. Turns out, stapling the inner cartilage of your ear doesn't really lead to any weight loss and basically just leads to a raging infection.


2. The Five Bite Diet.

Perfect for: Those who want to seem like chill af girls who "will eat anything because I'm not one of those b*tches who are obsessed with dieting."

The Diet: So here's the deal. You can eat whatever you want and still lose weight! Seriously, you can have pizza, ice cream, fries, cookies, cake, you name it. But, there's one tiny catch: you can only eat five bites of it, twice a day. The cool thing is that you can totally customize it to five forkfuls of your choice. For example: two bites of pizza, two bites of cake, and one bite of chlorine bleach because honestly being on this diet would make me want to die ASAP.

P.S. If forced to do this diet, this is the fork I would use for my five bites:


3. The Sleeping Beauty Diet.

Perfect for: Anyone, Tbh.

The Diet: Out of all of the bizarre diets I've listed so far, I'm sad to say when I discovered this one for like .2 seconds I totally thought about giving it a try. Allegedly, Elvis Presley used this on the reg, and he lived to be a whole 42 years old! The motto of this diet is that if you aren't conscious, you physically cannot eat. Another time you also cannot physically eat: when you die. People on this diet have been known to use drugs to sleep for days at a time in order to drop a few pounds. Bottom line: if you're awake, you're f*cking fat and everyone hates you, Becky.


4. The Cotton Ball Diet.

Perfect for: Those "ballin' on a budget" (sorry).

The Diet: A lot of dietitians suggest simple everyday swaps to make your life healthier and help you lose weight. For example, swap the white rice in your Chipotle bowl for brown rice, the soda you drink for water, and the champagne in your mimosa for... cotton balls? That's right, eating cotton balls soaked in orange juice is a modeling industry trend meant to suppress calorie intake and dramatically reduce daily calorie intake. I'm getting a stomach ulcer just thinking about this one.


5. The Blue Sunglasses Diet.

Perfect for: Those who wear sunglasses at all times to "block out the haters." Trust me, if you use this diet you will have no shortage of (justified) haters to block out.

The Diet: According to our good friend, science, blue is the least appetizing color. Wearing sunglasses that add a blue tint to everything you see while eating is supposed to make your food look completely disgusting, thus making the the dieter consume less. So the next time you see some jerk wearing sunglasses inside and/or at night, don't judge. They might just be trying to drop a few pounds.


Bonus: The Staring at the Sun Diet.

Perfect for: Those who think they are plants. #Photosynthesis.

The Diet: Out of all the bizarre fads, this one definitely takes the cake (or, um, "takes the salad" if we're talking about diets). The people of Hong Kong will try literally everything under the sun (sorry) to lose weight, so apparently "sun eating" has become a thing. Instead of eating, you stare right into the sun. I can guarantee the only thing you will lose is your vision, because this practice can cause glaucoma and permanent damage to the retina.

Please, for the love of god, do not try this at home. Then again, Spring Break is right around the corner... BRB going to CVS to stock up on cotton balls.

Cover Image Credit: pexels.com

Popular Right Now

​An Open Letter To The People Who Don’t Tip Their Servers

This one's for you.
1481274
views

Dear Person Who Has No Idea How Much The 0 In The “Tip:" Line Matters,

I want to by asking you a simple question: Why?

Is it because you can't afford it? Is it because you are blind to the fact that the tip you leave is how the waiter/waitress serving you is making their living? Is it because you're just lazy and you “don't feel like it"?

Is it because you think that, while taking care of not only your table but at least three to five others, they took too long bringing you that side of ranch dressing? Or is it just because you're unaware that as a server these people make $2.85 an hour plus TIPS?

The average waiter/waitress is only supposed to be paid $2.13 an hour plus tips according to the U.S. Department of Labor.

That then leaves the waiter/waitress with a paycheck with the numbers **$0.00** and the words “Not a real paycheck." stamped on it. Therefore these men and women completely rely on the tips they make during the week to pay their bills.

So, with that being said, I have a few words for those of you who are ignorant enough to leave without leaving a few dollars in the “tip:" line.

Imagine if you go to work, the night starts off slow, then almost like a bomb went off the entire workplace is chaotic and you can't seem to find a minute to stop and breathe, let alone think about what to do next.

Imagine that you are helping a total of six different groups of people at one time, with each group containing two to 10 people.

Imagine that you are working your ass off to make sure that these customers have the best experience possible. Then you cash them out, you hand them a pen and a receipt, say “Thank you so much! It was a pleasure serving you, have a great day!"

Imagine you walk away to attempt to start one of the 17 other things you need to complete, watch as the group you just thanked leaves, and maybe even wave goodbye.

Imagine you are cleaning up the mess that they have so kindly left behind, you look down at the receipt and realize there's a sad face on the tip line of a $24.83 bill.

Imagine how devastated you feel knowing that you helped these people as much as you could just to have them throw water on the fire you need to complete the night.

Now, realize that whenever you decide not to tip your waitress, this is nine out of 10 times what they go through. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people to realize that this is someone's profession — whether they are a college student, a single mother working their second job of the day, a new dad who needs to pay off the loan he needed to take out to get a safer car for his child, your friend, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, you.

If you cannot afford to tip, do not come out to eat. If you cannot afford the three alcoholic drinks you gulped down, plus your food and a tip do not come out to eat.

If you cannot afford the $10 wings that become half-off on Tuesdays plus that water you asked for, do not come out to eat.

If you cannot see that the person in front of you is working their best to accommodate you, while trying to do the same for the other five tables around you, do not come out to eat. If you cannot realize that the man or woman in front of you is a real person, with their own personal lives and problems and that maybe these problems have led them to be the reason they are standing in front of you, then do not come out to eat.

As a server myself, it kills me to see the people around me being deprived of the money that they were supposed to earn. It kills me to see the three dollars you left on a $40 bill. It kills me that you cannot stand to put yourself in our shoes — as if you're better than us. I wonder if you realize that you single-handedly ruined part of our nights.

I wonder if maybe one day you will be in our shoes, and I hope to God no one treats you how you have treated us. But if they do, then maybe you'll realize how we felt when you left no tip after we gave you our time.

Cover Image Credit: Hailea Shallock

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Take The Time To Pronounce Names Correctly, They Mean A Lot

What's in a name? Plenty.

103
views

Names are often one of the first labels we get. It often makes us who we are and is deeply embedded in our sense of self. It's the word the world knows you as. Many people change their names to make them feel more like themselves. This speaks volumes to the effect a name has on you.

A name is a word like any other, just used to label someone. Like any other word, saying the word properly is important, especially because it is tied so closely to someone's sense of self.

Butchering someone's name consistently is simply unacceptable. Sure some names may be harder to pronounce and may seem unnatural but not trying is not okay. If you can get names like Stravinsky and Chmerkovskiy, a Nandini, Radhika, or Namrata shouldn't be too hard.

For some reason, it often seems like people have a hard time pronouncing names of people of color, which honestly seems a little odd to me considering many caucasian names are just as unconventional.

Comedian Hasan Minhaj recently appeared on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and addressed this issue. He pointed out that no one has an issue with the name Ansel Elgort, but they seem to have an issue with his name. Later, he joked that he goes by the name Timothée Chalamet at Starbucks, which they can handle just fine.

Mistakes are okay. We're all human and you're not expected to get everything correct on the first try. But simply accepting that you can't say it and not making an effort is disrespectful.

You don't need to say the name in the accent of the culture it's from. Say it in your accent but like any other word, keep the same number of syllables and put an emphasis on the correct vowels. Eventually, getting it will expand your horizons just a little bit more. Either way, trying is better than not trying.

That being said, to the people that need to correct others' pronunciation on their name, do it. If you don't tell people how to pronounce it, you can't expect them to get it properly. Many of us introduce ourselves with a name that isn't truly ours; it's a version that accommodates others.

Remember though, there is no shame in your beautiful, unique name so there is no need to anglicize it. Your parents didn't give you that name for it to fit better in other people's mouths.

Our names make up a large part of our basic identity and getting it right is beneficial for everyone.

Related Content

Facebook Comments