It's 2016 already and that means that voters, young and old alike, will be heading to cast their picks for who will inherit a crap-ton of debt, media criticism and an eager America waiting for change. With that said, let's look back at some of the notable headline moments of the Presidential race thus far.
But first, let's look at some honorable mentions...
Honorable Mention: Mike & Sanders
Several U.S. presidents in the past have had their fair share in odd relationships with musicians for many odd reasons. For instance, there was the farcical connection between Richard Nixon and Elvis Presley which made Presley an undercover agent for the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs (seriously- Google that) and helped Nixon secure the youth vote for his presidency. Then, in more recent years, there was the meeting between President Barack Obama and Kendrick Lamar where they discussed issues focused on inner city areas in America and embracing the youth.
Now, it's the dark horse of the Democratic party and one half of the rap group, Run the Jewels, Michael Render, better known by his stage name, Killer Mike. To our pleasant surprise, it seems that Mike is working just as hard as Sanders in trying to make sure that they can ensure the safe and secure future that all of America deserves.
Honorable Mention: By the Numbers...
If this election race sought to teach people a thing or two throughout its course, it's that, unlike our high school math classes, the people paid attention to the numbers. The countless percentages - who's winning states and delegates by how much, who's leading the respective political parties, and how dumb can Trump supporters get - they're the most interesting numbers next to the national lottery.
Honorable Mention: Rubio & Chafee
To Marco Rubio: congratulations on failing on a lesser scale compared to Jeb Bush while managing to sound like robot crazier than a Dahlek from Doctor Who in the process.
To Lincoln Chafee: Nice try, Gollum, but you couldn't fool anyone. Just because you borrowed one of Trump's toupees and a suit from your dad, doesn't mean that no one will recognize you. Better luck next time.
And now, without further ado, the highlights of the 2016 Presidential Race thus far:
10. Black Lives Matter Protests
There's no doubt that while the majority of the media spotlight covers the race for the next leader of the free world, many things have hit the fan and splattered all over the walls.
Rewind to August 2015: Sanders held a rally in Seattle, WA when suddenly, eager individuals advocating the message of the Black Lives Matter movement decided to interrupt Sanders' speech, albeit, in a rather blunt and forceful fashion. After a few moments, however, after a quick exchange between the individuals and Sanders, Sanders calmly gave them their chance to essentially preach and share their message and call for action.
Fast forward to February 2016: Hillary Clinton holds a private fundraiser and, all of a sudden, an eager individual of the Black Lives Matter movement appears and interrupts Clinton's speech in the same cadence of the situation back in August with Sanders.
Yeah... She didn't really handle it well... At all, really.
9. Media Coverage
Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, CNN, Fox (kidding) and every other possible outlet in between, this election is, undoubtedly, the digitized race for the presidency. However, not only has it been covered everywhere on the internet and the television screen, but it has also been a particular target of consistent criticism no matter where you look due to public paranoia/anger towards media bias.
Everyone at this point, including myself, can hardly trust any news source for accurate, unbiased coverage for anything. The bias is everywhere.
...Wait a minute...
...Oh, my god. If the bias is everywhere, then how can I get the news? I can't go to CNN or MSNBC, they're bought out by Clinton's shady money handlers. The same goes with NBC, ABC, CBS and anything else. IT'S ALREADY SPREAD EVERYWHERE.
...Oh, no. What if I've got the bias already? How will I know?
I mean, I can't get it, right? I'm not even a news reporter. I'm hardly a proper satirical writer; I'm just a college student.
*cough* #FeelTheBern *cough*
(Someone up above: have mercy on me.)
8. Trump Vs. Kelly
Trump had 99 problems and added another one when he decided to feud with Fox News debate moderator, Megyn Kelly, for whatever reason. There isn't much to say here other than the obvious: Trump's petty.
(#PettyTrump)
7. Ben Carson
Before I proceed with this entry on the list, I should note that the title for the image above is called Ironic Background.
Anyways, look everyone! It's everyone's favorite Pokémon evolution of Herman Cain, Ben Carson - the man responsible for destroying the notion that having a doctorate degree entails that you're smart. Carson's entire campaign has been a complete carnival sideshow and the reasons why he still thinks that he can secure a Republican nomination is beyond me. What isn't beyond me is the fact that Carson is somewhat the Forrest Gump character from the Republican party. He's lovable for his stupidity (to some extent,) he's got a wild imagination, and he knows what love is.
The last bit of that list isn't true, but I needed to finish the comparison.
6. Sanders & the Millennials
My fellow millennials: unite! There's no doubt that Sanders is a great man and that his consistent work in and out of government speaks for itself (or, at least, it should.) The man worked fervently and passionately for civil rights, participating in peaceful protests during the time of the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., among other highlights in his life and career.
Also, we wouldn't have known a damn thing if we hadn't had the internet and good old teen spirit. (Would it still be called "teen spirit" even if some are nearing their twenties?)
5. Clinton & Wall Street
Clinton's Wall Street speeches? How do we know that she may or may not be filming on-site for Martin Scorsese's new film: The Wolf of Wall Street 2: Clinton Rules Everything Around Me?
4. Trump Proposes Banning Muslims
Enemies. He's got a lot of enemies, but they don't drain his energy.
He added Muslims to his list of enemies when Trump decided to propose a national ban and deportation of Muslims in America amid the fumes of Islamophobia and general ignorance.
3. Clinton Vs. Sanders: Iowa Caucus
Really? A coin flip? This is probably the most important election in recent memory and they decide to go with a tradition that coincidentally corresponded with the way that start the Super Bowl?
2. Clinton Emails
Maybe those 1,000+ emails were spam and she accidentally slipped them into her inbox. They could've been Abercrombie & Fitch coupon promotions. You never know, y'know?
I mean, she's pretty old. And we've already seen her struggle to hit the whip (such a travesty) so she's struggling to keep up with the times. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt that she may or may not know how Gmail works. (Let's also pray that she does have a Gmail and not an AOL account)
1. Trump Announces Presidential Candidacy
It's the "Oh, shit" moment that started it all.
When Donald Trump announced his presidency, the entirety was a show. A show with one particular highlight: when Trump announced that his first order of business, if he does get the presidency, would be to build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico and - wait for it - making Mexico's government pay for the whole thing. He also added that illegal immigrants from Mexico are essentially the scum of the Earth.
Since then, several responses came back from Mexico's ex-president, such as, and I quote:
"I'm not paying for that fucking wall."
In recent news, Mexico's ex-president also said that Trump reminded him of Hitler (yeah, and water is wet.)





































