I've heard it a thousand times.

"You're too nice."

We are taught our whole lives to be nice to everyone. Don't get me wrong, being nice is great and it's something we all should practice. Caring about someone else more than yourself in genuinely one of the greatest things that a person can do. And let's be honest: who doesn't love having nice people in their life? But I believe there is a point where you can be "too nice." I know this because I am. I'm not saying this so that people will like me more and I'm not trying to brag about my past or how kind and sweet I can be. And I know for a fact that I'm not perfect; no one can be nice and selfless ALL the time. Being too nice isn't a bad thing, it's just something people don't normally consider anything but perfect. But that is not the case; being totally selfless can take it's toll which is why we all need a better balance between loving everyone else and loving ourselves.

Being too nice means always putting others first. Again, this is NOT a bad thing. Focusing all of our energy on making others happy, however, often means putting ourselves on the back burner. We don't notice that while we are making someone else happy, we are letting ourselves and our happiness slip. This means that our emotions get bottled up and trapped inside us. We might have the worst day ever but when we just want to lay down, be alone, and cry, we'll say yes to a friend who wants to hang out because we care. It can be little things too: helping a friend with homework instead of doing your own or never expressing when something bothers you because you don't want anyone else getting hurt. We find ways to make ourselves seem less important and often like we are the reason for the problem if there is one.

When we constantly give of ourselves, we are an easy target for other people to walk all over. We see the good in everyone. We see the good in the friend about to use us to get what they want or the boy about to break our heart. This makes it easy for us to blame ourselves when we get hurt. Because we are so selfless and have seen the other person, or people, in the perfect light for so long, we tend to think we are the problem or we blame ourselves for being "too stupid" to notice something was wrong. When we see so much good and perfection in other people, it's a challenge to see ourselves as anything close to that.

Being hurt by those taking advantage of us is how we develop trust issues. Long story short: it sucks. Having trust issues is hell and it's something that unfortunately can come with being too nice. Trust issues often develop into self confidence issues. We fear that being deceived and lied to is our fault. But it's not. Somewhere, deep down, we know that the pain we are feeling has nothing to do with what we did or how we acted. But, at the same time, we still feel like we are in the wrong. We feel a constant need to apologize for everything, including for being too nice: "I'm sorry to bother you," or "I'm sorry I don't want to be annoying," or even "I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you." It always seems like everything is our fault.

While it has its downsides, being too nice isn't some curse. Making others happy and seeing the good in everyone is one of the most genuine and bravest things a person can do and a lot of the time, it is so rewarding. Loving others and genuinely caring usually brings out the best in everyone. It feels go to trust someone, to care so much, and to want someones happiness more than your own. But, with trust issues and finding it hard to love ourselves, being a caring, selfless, ever loving person is not the glamorous life that it might seem like it is. It hurts and sometimes it's really, really hard. That's why it's important to find a balance. Everyone needs a balance between giving to others and taking time for yourself. People who give themselves to others often have it in their mind that asking for help or taking time for themselves is selfish when really, it's needed. We all need to give of ourselves but not be afraid to be a little selfish if needed. Letting people take advantage of you and use you is not OK; it's right to stand up for yourself sometimes. But, that doesn't mean not showing love to those who need it or never giving second chances. It's all about finding a perfect balance. So, don't stop being nice, don't hold off on caring about someone, and don't forget how great it feels to love someone else. Find your balance and remember to care for everyone, including yourself.