"If you ask me, everyone would be laughing at Meenu if she died." I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget those words, but more importantly, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget the way I felt when I read them in the ninth grade in a Facebook post I stumbled upon. I had never been popular, and as an awkward 13 year old, I was probably an easy target for bullies, but I was never quite able to figure out why I deserved those words.
For years afterwards, I assumed that hatred was the default feeling people felt towards me, despite how many friendships I made. I was so focused on my flaws that I never thought I'd amount to anything. It seemed that everywhere I went, someone would be talking about me or spreading rumors about me.
To this day, I've never confronted the kids who wrote the post, or the girls I heard talking about me, or the people who started rumors about me. But one thing has changed. As a timid freshman in high school, I didn't think I deserved to know why people hated me enough to write a post that made me miserable. But now, much older, and hopefully wiser, I realize that the people who wrote it don't matter to me.
Confidence and approval eventually come from within. I'm so grateful for the amazing people I've been blessed with, but I refuse to go out of my way for anyone who isn't worth my time.
And to everyone who tormented me or laughed at my expense, thank you. Thank you for making me stronger, for letting me show
So to those who tore me down, to those who I seemed to find in every part of my life, I'm finally learning to tune you out. Of course, like you, I don't know what the future holds, but I need you to know that I've learned to surround myself with people who love me. I've learned to go after the things I'm passionate about. And I've learned not to use my voice to create pain, as you did time and time again. I've found my voice, and I intend to use it to create meaningful change.
