To those who've lost their fathers:
Losing someone, especially a parent, is extremely difficult to get through. You go through a time of not understanding the world or fate. You go through a time of anger and denial, and you ask yourself countless times what all you could have done in the last moments you spent with him. I know for me, I spent years wondering how I'd be different if I still had my father around. I was mad, I was depressed, and most of all, I was lonely. I felt like an outsider compared to all of the other eight-year-olds who still had their fathers.
I wanted to go to baseball games, and I wanted my dad to teach me how to play hockey. I wanted so many things for me and my dad, but I didn't get it. And believe it or not, that's OK. I've sat here thinking about how to write about loss, and more specifically, how to be OK with loss. And you know, it's not easy. Loss is hard and it's painful, but Lord knows that it shaped me. It molded me and burned me until I was able to use my pain and my loss to help other people get through theirs. My dad could've taken me to baseball games, and he could have taught me how to play hockey... But, then how would I be able to teach others about loss?
My dad was someone I got to know, but somehow it didn't feel like enough because of how young I was when I lost him. And, that's something I'll always feel some sting of regret for, but to those of you who knew your fathers for much longer than eight years of your life, I know that pain is heavier. And, I know you feel a more intense sense of emptiness. But, I want to be someone who tells you to use that emptiness to discover yourself.
A blank canvas is one to be painted. You just have to have the strength to pick up the brush. Fill that emptiness with the memories of your father, and use your bravery to keep moving forward and to keep painting your picture. Because that picture can be used to help so many others who have lost their fathers. Using the bad events in your life to shed some light and hope for others is all we can do in times of great suffering and loss.
I know what it's like to be mad at the world and to wish for a different life, but our lives were given to us for a reason, and while it's OK to question that sometimes, we have to keep going. Life is about so much more than surviving, friends. Our fathers would want so much more to our lives than anger and hatred. My dad once told me to never give up, and to "keep fighting and stay happy" that my smile has "the power to change lives." I didn't believe him then, but I believe him now.
Happiness isn't some destination that we have to fight to get to. Happiness is something that has the ability to stay with us, stay in our pockets for whenever we need it, and it's something that has the capability to affect others if we let it. Happiness and joy are with us, sometimes we just have to dig a little deeper to find it within ourselves. And while people like us, people who have lost their fathers, have to sometimes fight a little bit harder to be happy, it's not impossible.
Friends, please... Live happy. Be happy. It's what he would want for you. It's what I want for you. Paint your picture. Be a light. Share hope.
Because hope and love are all we have to keep the light in this world shining.
