Suicide - the act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally especially by a person of years of discretion and of sound mind
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. According to the CDC, 105 Americans commit suicide every day, with one happening every 12.3 minutes. About 38,000 Americans lose their life to suicide every year and around 250,000 people survive a suicide attempt. For every twenty-five suicide attempts, one loses their life. Males represent 79 percent of all suicides. Females are more likely to have suicidal thoughts and to suffer from depression. Women attempt suicide at a rate 3 times higher than men. Suicide is highest among ages 18-24, which is the second leading cause of death among this age group.
Across the globe, there are 800,000 lives that are lost to suicide. It is the third leading cause of death among ages 15-44 across the globe.
Depression is the leading cause of suicide.
One year ago I lost my uncle. He was 34 the day he lost his battle to this vicious disease. Not a day goes by when I don't think of him. I remember his smile, his jokes, his laugh, and his love. I thank God for every second that he was here. I remember the first memory I have with him. He did some below average magic trick, but I was mesmerized. I don't think he ever truly knew how much of an inspiration he was to me. He was one of my heroes. I'm the oldest child in my family and I only have one cousin that is older than me. He was the one I always looked up to, the one that no matter what flaws he held he would always be my hero.
He was a Veteran. Growing up my family always told me that Veterans were the bravest, the most courageous, the strongest fighters. Veterans are the selfless leaders, the heroes, and heroines, the ones who fight for all of us. I always saw him as one of the strongest people in the world, I just didn't know how strong he truly was.
My uncle lost his last battle with depression a year ago. He fought for so long. There's this statistic that 22 Veterans a day fall victim to suicide. Twenty-two Veterans a day fight their final battle against an invisible enemy they never saw coming. The bravest men and women our nation have ever known are fighting the most ferocious battles in secret. They come home and are haunted by demons that latch onto them and destroy them.
Depression is a mental illness, meaning its symptoms often go unseen. For those who have never experienced the grasp of depression it is often impossible to empathize with those who are suffering from the illness. Depression is a demon that destroys every shred of happiness from your life. Your brain is left to think that you are alone, that there's no hope for tomorrow, that there is no use in fighting.
The hardest part of depression is seeing yourself disappear, and watching a zombie take over. You watch from a distance as your smile fades and you're left with a forced muscle reaction to save face. Your laugh turns into an unfamiliar noise, your cries become an everyday occurrence, your bones begin to ache as if frozen for years, your sleep becomes non existent or it consumes you, your memory becomes hazy and your mind becomes clouded. But the worst part of all of these is the lies that pump through your veins. IT's terrifying to look in the mirror and see your face stare back at you, screaming that you're worthless, that it's time to die, that this world is better without you in it. It's terrifying being stuck in a prison where your life is sucked out of you constantly. Your family is helpless, your friends become enemies, your strongest organ falls under attack leaving you helpless to the darkest storm.
That's why depression is the leading cause of suicide. Our brains are tricked into thinking the only way out is to end it all. For those that we lost along the way, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that your final days were spent under a fierce and deafening battle. I'm sorry that you felt completely alone in this world. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to hold you. I'm sorry that your demons tore your family away from you. I'm sorry our love couldn't drown out the lies. I'm sorry you didn't make it to the next day. I'm sorry that stigma surrounding mental illnesses pushed you away. I'm sorry that in the end there was no hope. I'm sorry we didn't see the signs. I'm sorry that we didn't cry with you. I'm sorry that your screams went unheard. I'm sorry that you had to go. I'm sorry that your depression won. I'm sorry.
I hope you know that I miss you. I hope you know that I love you. I hope you know that I'm not angry. I hope you know that you're loved. I hope you know that you will always be important to me. I hope you know that there will never come a day when I don't thank God for the memories, and I don't beg for forgiveness for not being there to help you.
I wish you could have made it to the next morning. I wish you could've fought a little longer so you could feel the warmth of the sun, listen to the whistling of the breeze, watch the rain roll down the window, see your breath fog up the crisp air, watch the leaves fall to the ground and grow back again. I wish you could've felt the trueness of a smile again, heard your laughter fill up a room, watched your cheeks drip with tears of pure joy. I wish you could've made it to tomorrow so that you could say you beat depression. I wish you could've been here.
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Suicide Survivors
