To the sport I fell in and out of love with,
You have been something i've done since I was in the 6th grade. You were something that I actually felt good at. You were something that was alway constant. I spent my weekdays at practices and Saturday's at meets. It was my routine, my ritual, and all I had ever known. I am now a senior in college. I took two years off from from you and running in general since I went to a two year school, before transferring to a 4 year school. Once I got to Keuka I figured why not run again? So I did last year and I killed it. It felt great to be back at a sport that I hadn't done in two years. Now it's a year later, and I don't want to be apart of it. The first meet was 4K, loops under the lights of a field. I knew going into it my head and heart weren't in it. I spent my summer running on and off. The days I felt like running I went out and ran. The days I didn't feel like it I sat back and didn't. It was nice, no pressure in where, how long, or how fast I needed to get my run done. The night of my first race of my senior year I so badly wanted to get off that bus and leave, but something made me stay.
That night running under the lights, doing loops around the field showed me the passion for a sport I use to love was gone. Before the start of the race my pre-race nerves were still there, but my mind wasn't. When the gun went off I got off the line and started how I normally would, and once my teammates started passing me I let them, I wasn't upset. I just ran. I didn't run my heart out, I didn't try to pass people back I just stayed in my pace and let everything be. I finished in a time that was far from my best. I wasn't upset and I'm still not upset. Cross country was never about the time I got, at least not for me, it was more about the place and who I had to be ahead of, but now as a senior in college all I have to do do is be ahead of myself. That night I didn't care about my place. I've learned that it's not about the ribbons, medals, or t-shirts like I once thought. It's not about the team, or the other runners. It's about finding yourself and finding out what you enjoy. Without cross country and all the people i've met through the sport I wouldn't be who I am today.
So to the sport I used to love thank you for the friendships and the good memories. Thank you for teaching me about myself, because when it comes down to it cross country is an individual sport. It comes down to your own physical and mental toughness. Without you I wouldn't be the person I am today. So farewell to the sport I use to love, and hello to new beginnings. All though it is my time to say goodbye to the "team" sport of running, I will fall in love with running in a whole new way as I have already started my next journey. I will conquer another road race and half marathon and maybe one day a full marathon, but until then thank you for always be the one consistent thing in my life as I grew up and found myself.
~
