Depression is like the weather. It changes your mood unexpectedly and you never can really plan ahead. One second the sun is out and you're smiling but the next, a dark cloud comes over you and you just can't handle the weight on your shoulders anymore.
Depression isn't necessarily being suicidal. Yes, that's a symptom and a possibility, but being depressed is far more than just that. It's snoozing your alarm because you can't fathom getting out of bed. It's going days without showering and not caring what you look or smell like. It's letting the laundry or dishes pile up even though it gives you anxiety because you just don't have it in you to do them.
Depression makes you feel so low and alone. Like you truly have no one even if you're around people who love you. You feel so worthless. Like, what's the point of trying if I know I can't succeed?
Depression is a demon I live with every single day. Even when my demon is extremely small, it's still there. The hard part is, being depressed and hopeless but still wanting to live. I know I should work hard. I know I should hit the gym when my mind gets like this. I know I should tell someone when I'm not OK but my depression stops me in my tracks of anything that's healthy for me.
Depression can also put you in the darkest of places. Places you often think you don't want to ever get out of. Some people lean on drugs or alcohol to help cope. Some people hurt themselves.
To anyone who's feeling like this or has felt like this, you're not alone. No matter how many times that demon tells you no one will understand or no one wants to hear you talk about your issues, you are not alone.
The next time you feel like this and you reach for your unhealthy coping mechanism, pause. Pick up the phone and call someone who will listen. Someone you know will listen even when you're telling yourself they don't want to hear it. Someone will. Go for a walk. Get your favorite ice cream. Watch your favorite show or a funny movie. Do something that you love. Something that will bring even the tiniest bit of joy. Because ya know what? The second there's joy and happiness in your life, that demon slowly but surely shrinks.
Things do get better. They will get better. You need to fight for yourself like everyone else would. Love yourself like you would love someone else. Find something you believe in and talk to them. Pray. Laugh. Surround yourself with positivity. You are so loved and deserve the absolute world. I hope you can see that soon.
