To the Person I Was Before,

I didn't know things were all that different. Yet, at the same time, I didn't think they would stay the same. Maybe it was my ignorance, maybe it was my infatuation. Or maybe it was just me, getting in the way of myself. Or maybe it was you. You see, I'm not the person I was before. And I'm trying to figure out if that's a bad thing. I'm slipping, down the rabbit hole trying to grasp something, anything to pull me back up to the surface.

I hope you're still there, just maybe lost and looking for your way back to me. I know you didn't mean to leave, but perhaps you felt like you couldn't stay. But I'm me, I mean you, the person you are now. Don't you recognize me? I'm calling for you to come back to make things how they were again. When you were you; the you that you've always been. The you that you no longer are.

Why did you leave? Was it because I pushed you away? Me, the person you've become, did I push you away? I didn't mean to, I didn't want to. I wanted you to stay. To be here, to be present, to make this dizzying feeling go away.

I've become all the things I said I wouldn't, and for that I am truly sorry. But I didn't mean to, I didn't want to. I always wanted you to stay. Will you come back, to being the person you were before? I don't recognize myself. I don't recognize you. The person that I am now.

I'm ready for you to come back. To no longer be the person you were before. But to become the person you were destined to be, not me, perhaps not you either. But maybe the both of us, the person that we will become together.

To the Person I am Now,

I knew things were different. I wanted them to stay the same. It was your ignorance that got the best of you, the best of me. You saw yourself slipping, down, down, down. I tried to tell you. I tried to warn you. But you wouldn’t listen.

You thought things would be better. That the you that you are now would be better than me, the you that you were. But you’re not any better. Maybe you’re worse. I didn’t want to leave. But you pushed me. But I let you. You made me feel like I no longer belonged. Like I no longer was needed. But you need me. Maybe, just maybe, I need you.

You see I’m trying to find my way back, but I don’t remember how. The doors are no longer open, your windows are bolted shut. So how? How do you want me to get back to you when all you’ve done is shut me out.

I don’t recognize myself either. You’ve made a mockery of me. Doing, saying, being the things that you’ve, that I’ve always said I wouldn’t do. You’re dizzy because you’ve made yourself so. If you’d stayed in one place, if you’d let me stay, that feeling would have never been there to start.

So you want to know where I am? Do you want to know where I’ve been? I’ve been here all this time. Waiting for you to let me in.