We were young and dumb. I was almost done with high school while you still had a few years left. You were what I thought I wanted and perfect in every way. I thought I was in love and nothing would take it from me. As time grew older, so did we. The time we spent together dwindled away and came to an inevitable end. I was left heart broken and alone with what felt like no place to go. It was a normal break up. As time has gone on I have looked back on our relationship and realized I wasn’t completely in love with you, I was in love with the material things.
I wanted so much to find my soul mate in high school that I was ready to settle with less than perfect. You were popular, an athlete and what a majority of the girls wanted. Yes, you had everything I thought I wanted, but I realize now it wasn’t love. I grew accustomed to the lifestyle you had and saw myself in it, but I didn’t love you like I should have. I loved the things you gave me and the things you did for me, yet I couldn’t stand so many things about you. You became my trophy boyfriend and I didn’t want to give up the perks that came with it. I was in love with the idea of perfect, so perfect is what I convinced myself you were.
I wanted so much to love someone like you and for them to have all the qualities you did, and at one point, I thought I did. I did see myself ending up with you, but the thought was empty and forced. I did truly care about you and wanted you to live your dreams. Unfortunately, I didn’t see me being in most of your life but I wasn’t ready to admit it. I remember countless times crying and making up my mind to break up with you because I wasn’t happy, but I never had the guts to do it. A week before you broke things off, I told my mom how I felt and I didn’t think we would last–I was right.
I took the break-up harder than I should have. It wasn’t all because I had lost you, a lot of it was because I lost what you meant. I lost a status and a lifestyle with money and relaxation. I was mad at myself that some of my first thoughts when we broke up were about how I lost the material things and not just you.
Our relationship was a big part of my life and taught me so many things. As I have gotten older, I have been able to fully understand everything that happened and grow from it. I am sorry that I was not able to love you in the way that you truly deserved but am grateful that things didn’t work out. You led me to realize that falling in love needed to be with who the person was and not the material thins. Without our relationship I would not be where I am now. I am better off now and am truly able to love the man I am with because of you.
