I'm assuming you're reading this because through the midst of all the women your paths cross through the busyness of life, through the trivial day-to-day events we find ourselves in, you have found a special one — the kind of woman that you can't quite put your finger on. Strong as stone, as precious as diamond, someone purpose-filled and fervent. But see, they didn't get that way overnight. There's something hiding beneath that secure, flawlessly painted surface. There's anxiety waiting to be surfaced, brokenness coming through at the cracks, damage that can't be undone, scars that can't be covered and labels that can't be unassigned. There's something that requires a special type of love, a love that you don't even know how to give.
First, know that you won't see her triggers immediately but that doesn't mean that they won't arise. Triggers are the most heartbreaking because it's like when the very thing that used to haunt her every night, the one that she's fooled herself into believing she's dealt with for the last time, creep up when least expected, just as painful and sharp as it did the first time around — and you can't do a thing about them. I'm talking about the slightest, most minute occurrences that follow with an outpouring of emotion like never before. These things have a way of being kept so concealed, with no indication that they would ever come back to the surface. So expect them, and when they come out, be receptive, be sensitive and be gracious.
Know that there are going to be some individuals and some circumstances that have left some permanent marks on her, in whichever form that may be, and know that you're not going to be able to fix it. So many times, we desperately want control over the hurt that we or our loved ones were wrongly given. But truthfully, we can't control how others respond to the wrong they've done. You've got to come to the place of knowing that some actions and the consequences of those actions are far beyond our control. Know that doing without retaliation is OK, and let her live that out.
Know that she's going to need a special, patient, enduring, selfless type of love. She won't need a conditional love full of comparison and insensitivity. She's going to need the type of love that says, "I'm here. I see you as you are, and I still want you." A love that isn't easy, but is fully worth it.
Last, know that it might be a process for her to accept that love. She'll want to, but there'll be things that surface — doubt, insecurities, lies — that will cause her to
But know that she's trying. Everyone wants to accept love and kindness, but sometimes brokenness will only get you so far. She's trying to progress past everything that has crippled her. She's trying, but sometimes, it's just not that easy. Sometimes we have to carry and bring to the surface those very things that we've tried so desperately to conceal. Remember that. And dare to be the one to help, not condemn her.
