I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you felt so terribly about yourself that you felt the need to lie about having cancer to get the attention that you craved for so long. I'm sorry that you didn't feel loved or cared for, so much that you lied about how you truly felt. You brushed it off as if it was nothing, but I didn't know better. I should have known better. You were my best friend. I knew you better than anyone else, or at least I thought I did. How did I not see it coming?

The lies continued to build up. I should have read the signs, and caught on quicker, but I didn't. You see, you were extremely good at lying, always were, which is why I wasn't surprised when I found out that you were a compulsive liar. But the thing was, you hurt me. You hurt me and you didn't care. You lied and kept on lying.

You told me you had cancer the day after my 17th birthday. I was out of state at the time, so there wasn't much I could do being 1,800 miles away. I remember the non-stop phone calls and the texts messages that would consistently come flooding in. I remember being in a constant state of confusion, wondering why I didn't know what hospital you were at, why I couldn't come see you or how you could still be able to text me while in treatment. I remember you telling me that the cancer had spread all over your body and how scared I was. I remember you texting me, pretending to be your mom, telling me that you were going into surgery and that I would continue to receive updates throughout it. Worst of all, I remember when you told me that you didn't have much time left and that you wanted to start planning ahead, just in case. I remember that day so clearly because it was the day you started making a list of everything that would be mine when you passed away. It was the day you asked me to sing at your funeral. That memory still hurts like hell.

Six months had passed, since you first told me you were diagnosed. You had been miraculously cured of cancer twice, and yet it was still eating away at your body, or so I thought. You had me fooled. You had my family fooled. You had my friends and their friends all fooled. You had so many people praying for you, for you to recover, for the cancer to be gone, and at the end of the day, there wasn't any cancer to begin with.

I remember the day your mom called me and told me the truth: that you didn't have cancer, in fact, you never really did. I couldn't believe it. I was in complete and utter shock. I was in a state of panic and remember the air being harder and harder to breathe in. The walls around me seemed to be closing in on me and I was shaking to the point of not being able to stop. It changed my whole life. One second everything was bad, but I still had my best friend and the next second you were gone. You meant nothing to me anymore. I was so badly hurt that I couldn't even begin to comprehend what your mom was telling me. Having to read a letter from your mom to mine explaining how sorry she is that her son lied about something so serious was absolutely heartbreaking. I just don't understand how you or anyone else could lie about something that serious. People die from cancer and other serious diseases every minute of every day. It's one thing to lie about something, but it's another to lie about having something as severe as cancer. You took it to a whole other level. It absolutely sickens me.

The thing about cancer is that it just doesn't effect the person who has it, but it effects everyone around them. It's not something that just goes away or that can magically be cured within the span of 6 months, but somehow you had me convinced of that. Cancer comes with chemo, radiation therapy and sometimes many surgeries that are most of the time life threatening. It most of all is NOT something you lie about.

I still to this day don't understand why you did it. Why did you put me through 6 months of complete and utter hell, when you claimed that you loved me and that you wanted to be with me? That is not what love is. That is not love at all. You were supposed to be my best friend. We had plans, so many plans and yet you decided to ruin them all with one big lie. That's all it took. One lie that caused me so much hurt and so much anger. So many lies rolled into one, so many broken promises left unkept.

I hope that you've changed your ways because no one else deserves to go through the hell you put me through. I truly do wish you the best and that you live a long, happy life. I have come to a place in my life where i'm slowly starting to understand that I eventually have to forgive you. Three years later, and I still haven't forgiven you, but maybe one day I will.