In a world full of size 2's and Kendall Jenners, it can be hard to be a size 8, 10, 12 etc. The world today screams at us that we should be this or look like this. You sit down and have rolls? UGLY. Have cellulite on your legs? UGLY. Weigh over (insert absurd weight here)? UGLY. When did it get this way? When did I get this insecurity of being the "heaviest' girl in the room?
I've noticed here recently that I compare myself to every girl that I come into contact with. I study her. I study her arms, her thighs, her stomach, her face. Does she have good bone structure? Freckles? A symmetrical nose? I analyze every last bit of her. I judge her like livestock, and I instantly envy her. I notice she weighs significantly less than me, and I feel a wave of shame flush over me.
So, here comes the part where I rip myself to shreds. I begin to analyze every little thing about me. I judge my arms. Too much fat, not toned like hers. UGLY. Next comes my thighs. No thigh gap and have cellulite. DOUBLE UGLY. Obviously, you get my point. There's a certain type of feeling you get when you're the "heaviest girl" in the room or even think you are. You literally have no self-esteem whatsoever. Self-confidence? What's that? Because I don't have it.
It crushes you; constantly putting yourself down like that can take a toll on someone. It affects your everyday life, relationships and most importantly, you. But I'm here to tell you that you are not your weight, your stomach, or your untoned arms. I always thought when it came down to it, it was all looks for the longest time.
None of that matters because God says otherwise. He has created us in his image. His image. Isn't that so reassuring? It makes me smile as I write this, and it gives me a certain peace. He made me the way I am, and that is perfect for him. He made me! God did not make a mistake while creating me because He does not fail.
I think of the verse Genesis 1:31, "God saw all that he made and it was very good..." Now I know in this verse He's talking about the earth, but I can't help to imagine that when He was creating me, He said the exact same words. Whenever I feel like the "heaviest" girl in the room, I think of this verse and just remember that I am the way I am because the Almighty made me that way and that I am unconditionally loved by His grace.
