I'm going to go out on a limb and say that no one likes heartbreak. I mean, it's understandable. Heartbreaks SUCK. No matter what the situation is, they just do. There's nothing fun about planning a future with someone just to watch the present come crashing down and realizing that said person is gone.
But, what you choose to do after the heartbreak, now that's what matters.
My first heartbreak taught me that it's okay to show emotion. It's okay to cry and to be angry. It taught me that wallowing is okay, wallowing for months on end however, is not okay.
My first heartbreak hurt a lot, but I'm one of those people who stays positive during tough times because I know it could always be worse. Here are 15 of the most important things I learned after my first heartbreak.
1. Physical pain isn't the worst kind of pain.
Emotional pain hurts just as bad, if not worse than physical pain however it is an inevitable part of life. Your first heartbreak is going to hurt like hell and that's normal. The world is not ending, although it may feel like it is. Deal with your emotional pain in a healthy way; acknowledge it, wallow, then move on.
2. Most people will put themselves first.
Spoiler alert: People are selfish. You will most likely experience this in at least one of your relationships, if not more but that is not a reason to get used to it. It's hard for a selfish person to see their selfish side but if you see it and realize that that is not what you want in a relationship, do something about it early on. Don't just go along with it.
3. Life is a constant surprise.
It may feel like everything is going wrong and you will never find another person to love you ever again, but stop doubting yourself and prepare for all of the surprises life is about to bless you with.
4. Love can bring out the worst in a person.
Sounds like an oxymoron, I know but it's true. From jealousy to obsessiveness, these toxic behaviors may start off as cute but will do nothing other than ruin the relationship you two have.
5. You are much stronger than you think. Picking up the pieces isn't easy, but it is possible.
Day by day you can tackle the uneasy feelings the newly found single life comes with. It may seem impossible but I am a heartbreak survivor, therefore I know it is possible. Stay strong in your journey of life and you will come out stronger and more confident than you ever thought possible. You can do it. This is not the end of the world.
6. Your happiness should not depend on another person.
For me, probably the most difficult lesson learned. Most people, when in a relationship depend on their partner and couldn't imagine their life without them. They say thing's like "I don't know what I would do without you," and "you are the reason I wake up every morning." While those sentences might sound cute to some, it's unhealthy. You should know what you would do without your partner because there is unfortunately always a chance that you will have to find out. Be prepared and be happy alone before signing up to be involved with another. In the end, you will only come out feeling extra lonely and lost.
7. Watching love movies on repeat and wallowing for months on end is a Band-Aid, not a cure.
This isn't a good idea for many reasons and I'll never understand the people who claim it is. I don't understand how watching sad, cliche, unrealistic, love movies are supposed to benefit you in your time of heartbreak. If anything it angers you more; knowing your relationship(s) will never compare to Noah and Allie's relationship is just so depressing.
8. There is no such thing as "winning" a breakup.
You're stupid if you think there is. You once (maybe even still do) loved this person. Why would you pretend like the heartbreak isn't breaking your heart. Why would you pretend like the last 3 years didn't matter and that you've completely moved on? Is hurting your ex-lover worth the entitlement of "winning" the breakup? If so, I feel bad for you.
9. People will let you down, however it will happen a lot less if you learn how to rely on yourself.
By this point, I'm not even surprised by how often I'm let down. I just kind of expect it. Maybe that's sad, but to me I couldn't be anymore grateful for learning this life lesson early on. I have learned to rely on myself and have no idea what I would do if i was still relying on other people.
10. Stop looking for an answer or a reason, you will never find one that satisfies you.
All those questions you keep asking yourself, and all that over thinking you keep doing, yeah, you can stop that now. You're just wasting time and stressing yourself out way more than necessary. Sorry to break it to you, but you will never find an answer that satisfies you.
11. Emotions are most powerful at night, don't let them trick you into doing something you will later regret.
Girls, we all know this to be true. Do not let your emotions trick you!! Turn off that sad song and call up a girlfriend to hangout, but please don't do something you'll regret. You may feel like you need to make that phone call or leave that 3 page long text message, but I promise you will wake up hating yourself. If that's what you truly want to do, wait until the morning.
12. Time really does heal everything.
I repeat: The world is not ending. I know that it may feel like it is, but it's not. Things will start to get better, just give it some time. I promise everything will soon begin falling back into place. Stay positive.
13. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean they are right for you.
I had heard this saying a thousand times before I actually knew it to be true. It's something you feel, and no matter how many people tell you your significant other isn't right for you, you will never listen to them until that moment comes where you realize it yourself. That's when you'll know and unfortunately, that's what will hurt the most.
14. Life goes on.
Shocking right? This person is not the only person that loves you. If it is meant to be, you will find your way back together again, and if not, oh well, something better will come your way.
15. Accomplish 'self-love' before loving another person.
If you don't love yourself, there is no way you will survive a relationship where you only love your partner. Simple as that. You must establish a self-love first. Your future heartbreaks will heal much easier and quicker when you learn to love yourself and put yourself first. I wish it was something I could explain but it's not. It's another thing that you'll just know to be true when it is accomplished.
Your first heartbreak may not be your last, but the first is always the worst. If you can get through your first heartbreak, you can get through the next one. Your first one will leave you stronger, happier, and more confident. You will learn things about life and you will grow but most importantly, you will be okay.
