Anyone who is currently struggling with body issues or has a past with it can relate to never feeling satisfied with your body. You keep striving for "healthy," but you're already there. You just don't know it yet.
Girl, listen to me when I say: You're doing just fine.
Actually, wait, you're doing better than fine. You are strong, you are healthy, you're a bad ass bi***, you just need to wake up every morning and tell yourself that you are, and then carry your day out that way.
Everyone can tell you that you're "tiny" or that "you look great" but it doesn't resonate with you. You don't see what other people see, because all you can see are your flaws.
You are too hard on yourself. Food that other people wouldn't think twice about eating stresses you out beyond belief. They see a slice of pizza, you see numbers. You see the calories, carbs, and fat. People don't see the battle within between you and food, but it exists.
You have different expectations of "healthy." If you eat any bread at all or even a simple sandwich, you'll feel unhealthy. If you eat a piece of chocolate, you will feel unhealthy. If you eat cheese, you'll feel unhealthy. Even healthy foods freak you out. Peanut butter is full of fat. Almonds too. (Good fats, people). The rice that you eat your chicken and vegetables with somehow inflicts guilt on you because of the carbs. You try your hardest to be healthy, but you're so hard on yourself that you still feel unhealthy. You still feel "fat."
You are not fat. But guess what? You need those fats to survive. You need energy, and you need to nourish your body. Please, stop feeling guilty for fueling your body.
You obsess over everything you eat, and admire people who can eat freely without guilt. People don't understand that it's not just the stereotypical pizza, pasta, and Big Mac that freaks you out. It's the things others consider normal like sandwiches, cheese, a girl scout cookie, coffee with creamer.
You workout regularly, and you feel "fat" when you miss a day. You are not unhealthy if you miss a day at the gym, you are not unhealthy if you don't burn all of the calories you ate for breakfast, you're not unhealthy if you skip cardio for the day.
You're not crazy, you're not weird, and you're not broken. You struggle with an eating disorder, and that's okay. And can we talk about that harsh title? Let's end the stigma. An eating disorder is not anything to be embarrassed about. It doesn't mean you're a skeleton, and it doesn't mean you're over weight. It shows itself in so many ways and stories, most of which are untold. They can be considered mild with calorie counting, or severe with restricting, binge eating and purging, excessive exercise to burn every calorie consumed. There are so many different aspects to having an ED.
To the girl that faces this battle every day, to the girl who is recovering and still has that faint voice in the back of her head every time she eats, to the girl who never feels healthy enough or good enough: You are. You are so enough. You are healthy, you are strong. You can eat bread, you can eat cheese, hell, you can eat whatever you want. One meal doesn't make you fat. Stop beating yourself up for the calories, carbs and fats you consume even with healthy foods like rice, almonds, avocado, and peanut butter. Stop beating yourself up, period. Life is hard enough, you don't need the added pressure of being at war with yourself.