I want to start off by saying, if you're reading this...I'm sorry you've felt this pain.
You’re scared, I get it. You’re afraid that whenever the book that is your heart is ready to open again, someone will skim the words and slam it shut. Maybe there was another woman, maybe you felt you weren’t good enough, maybe he used and abused you. The point is, I know exactly how you’re feeling…and it’s rough. He made you anxious about love, about the world really, and that will not change overnight.
I truly believe that love makes you blind…or maybe even stupid. You learn to overlook the bad things about someone because you love them. There are a few emotions that can control our every move, one of them being fear. Fear is powerful, it can debilitate you. My mother used to tell me that it’s good when you’re scared, because that means something big is about to happen.
I’m not telling you that you should “get over” your fear, because it doesn’t work like that. Slowly, you have to tear down the wall that surrounds your heart; brick by brick, because that’s how it was built, and that’s how it will come down. One day you will find that person who is worth breaking down your walls. They’ll show you that love exists and that not everyone is out there to hurt you, and show you how you should be treated by your significant other.
I know it seems easy for me to sit here and give you all of this advice, but I can assure you that it’s not. I know, and understand, the pain you’re feeling because I’ve been through it myself. I had already been through so much pain and bullshit when it came to relationships that I didn’t trust anyone. He promised me and promised me that he would never do anything to hurt me, that he would never be like those other guys, and after awhile I believed him and I trusted him. I started to let the walls surrounding my heart crumble, but unfortunately I ended up having to pick up the pieces and build it up again…this time even higher so nobody would ever be able to get in.
You want to ruin every single romantic relationship you come across with “what if”s. It’s natural to see someone who would be absolutely perfect for you, but let fear take over and not even want to try. It’s easier to be alone, because no one can hurt you when you’re alone. But, there is so much joy that comes along with being in love. Love truly is an emotion that can bring out the best in you.
You can’t let the past define who you are. You have to find the strength within yourself to look into the mirror and say “I AM worthy of love and I’m going to find it.” Don’t let him control you, let him live with the pain he caused you, let his behavior be his burden…not yours.
“And suddenly you know…it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”
