To the girl who hates holidays,
The way you see holidays is like a sad Christmas commercial with no one pushing an Amazon Prime button. You're fogging up the windows outside a warm and cozy home where an entire family is wrapped around the dinner table laughing and passing food. Your memories are darker and not joyful.
You remember praying for Christmas dinner to go well. For everyone to stay at the table for at least thirty minutes without someone storming off your or mom throwing javelins at your dad, and him stoking the fire in return. You learned to be quiet and content with bringing your dinner to your room and listening to soft Christmas cover songs and turning on the multicolored lights you put up yourself in your room.
And now that you're older you work through the holidays. You wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving from behind a register or a counter and wink at the kids as they smile at you. A long time ago your family became fragmented and lays on the floor like broken glass.
But one day someone, or a group of someones, will come along and watch Netflix with you while eating Walmart chicken and mac and cheese on Thanksgiving night. You'll be welcomed into a new family, a bunch of families, who call you on your birthday and surprise you with wine and a Redbox on random Saturday nights. Slowly, the peices of your heart that you thought were blown away by torrents and winds will begin to warm again.
You'll notice that you buy Christmas cards for your friends. You'll buy them for the scattered family that you have and genuinely wish them a Happy New Year from your couch in the big city that they said you'd never make it to.
Sweet girl, it will feel like climbing uphill both ways in the snow while it's hailing and you're soaked to the bone. It will feel like pushing through dirt with a small, weak stem. But you'll break into the light. You'll get to the top of the hill and warm hands and warm hearts will welcome you home. You'll find that turmoil has lead you to appreciate and reciprocate love and warmth towards others in ways you never thought you would.
Dear girl hang on. If you lose your grip, clench the rope with your teeth until you're pulled up onto solid ground. You will find your home. You will find your family. The holidays will become kind to you again. I promise.
In hope,
A girl who was where you stood
