Dear girl who finds herself by the man she dates,
The American Dream of a 20-something always differs a bit, but I bet I can narrow down what you want. Babe, you just want to be married, have a husband who loves you unconditionally, have the nicest things and feel like you actually have it all together. You want to be the girl that everyone envies. To have the perfect hair, the perfect man, the prefect life. However, the standards you have are based off of how you feel. The reason you have dated so many guys (or girls) is because you aren’t sure what you deserve. You listen to lies about who you are and what your value is all day long. At the end of the day, if your selfie at Starbucks with your PSL didn’t get over 100 likes, are you really valuable? Maybe you could've found better light, or had a different filter, or even worn different clothes. Maybe then you could achieve the amount of “likes” that make you feel like you have value.
When your value and self-esteem come from social media, such as Instagram, it can really change your view on yourself. The reason you have dated so much is because you are looking for love in all the wrong places. One day you want the bad boy, who you parents would hate, the next day you want to be with a guy who is so overly sensitive and sweet that he makes you feel bad for not being that in touch with your emotions. Next, you want a guy whose permanent career could be classified as “beach bum.” One thing all of these guys have in common is that they are bad for you! Yeah, their sweet texts and late night phone calls may entertain you, but something is still missing. What is really missing is you are looking for them to fill the void in your heart.
Babe, that void will not be filled by any amount of "likes," or any amount of alcohol you consume, or even any man that you may bring into your life (even if he is just a “friend”). I know all of this because, babe, I’m you. I understand exactly what you are going through. I understand how you see yourself and how you wish you could see yourself. You are looking for a man to fulfill your hopes and dreams. One verse I often go back to when I start slipping back into that black hole in my heart is “ For God, who said, 'let the light shine out of the darkness.’ Made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light if the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.” 2 Cor 4:6
Remember that your value is not found in guys, or likes on social media. You have value. You are worth waiting for. Don’t settle.
Sincerely,
The girl who understands
