"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
- Mark Twain
I see you. I see you standing tall and showing everyone nothing but love, but on the inside you feel weak and exhausted. You learned early in life that it was impossible for you to hate things or people. You didn't have a hating bone in your body, but you were always very hard on yourself about it.
You always wondered if you were weak because of how easily you are ready to forgive someone. And it's not just how you were raised, it's mostly just who you are and how you are wired. You have so much love for everyone and the world, but none for yourself. You see other people for who they are despite their troubled actions and are a firm believer that everyone deserves a second chance. The only problem is that you give more than just second chances, you give three or four or an infinity amount of chances. Because of this people often take advantage of you and you wonder if you are the pushover that people have called you. But despite all of this, it just goes to show how you never give up hope on anyone no matter the circumstances. That is the beauty in forgiveness that most people don't see.
Although you are your toughest critic and don't give yourself as many chances as you do others, you still have hope. Even after forgiving the same person countless times, not once do you question your instinct to forgive. It is just something that comes natural to you, not because your weak, but quite the opposite actually. It takes a lot of strength to overcome someone's actions or words and to let them go. People don't understand the hurt that we go through ourselves sometimes to see the good in people. Forgiveness takes real mental strength. These days people are so accustomed to holding grudges and expressing hate which is easy to do. It's so easy to just give up on someone or yourself and move on. But it takes a lot of strength to forgive those that have hurt you the most and continue to love them for who they are.
I know you stay up some nights pondering if giving them another chance was the right thing to do. You've told yourself many times that they may not deserve it or maybe they are just really using your own sensitive emotions and empathy against you. It makes you feel weak-minded, like you enjoy letting others run over you, but that's not it. You just have so much compassion for everyone and are very empathetic so it's easy for you to put yourself through someone else's shoes or to see things from their perspective. You also forgive so easily because you don't like to let people down and you know that if the situation were reversed, you wouldn't want anyone to give up on you. You like knowing that you can be the peace someone finds or that you find in yourself, even if it makes you sometimes question your strength and will.
But throughout these experiences, you've learned that you're not necessarily weak-minded, because it actually takes a lot of strength to forgive someone. No, you've learned that you are sensitive to other's emotions, and that's okay. It makes you more human.
It takes a lot for someone to continuously forgive; it can be an exhausting action. Though it may look like it to other people, forgiveness is not easy despite how easy it is for you show love to others. It's a lot of inner turmoil that we sift through even though we know that at the end of the day we will forgive with every part of us.