Hi there, beautiful.
How is that heart of yours? I'm guessing that is it pretty broken and full of sorrow. I am also guessing that the only person to blame for this heart break is the No. 1 person who was never supposed to let you down: you. I feel you, girl. We have all been there. We have all done something that we think is absolutely unforgivable and we wonder how we will ever get past it. Just know that for what it is worth, I forgive you, God forgives you, and you should forgive you.
You are probably thinking in your mind "You wouldn't be saying this if you knew what I did." It doesn't matter what you did. If you are torturing yourself this much thinking that you deserve the pain and anguish that you are putting yourself through then let's be real: you truly are sorry and remorseful. Honestly, at this point, you are probably hurting far more than the person you may have hurt in the first place.
So how do you forgive yourself? It's definitely a difficult process and "letting go" is easier said than done. The most important thing is to speak up. Apologize to the people that you need to apologize to. If they don't respond well and refuse to forgive you, then so be it. I know that it is hard to hear because losing someone's presence in your life to a mistake that you made is the absolute worst and you love them, just desperately wanting them to be able to see inside your soul to see just how truly sorry and broken it is. The thing is, they will either come around or they won't. The deed has been done and unfortunately you can't go back and change it. The best thing that you can do is say your peac, promise yourself that you won't do it again, and work on breaking free from the chains of your mistake. When apologizing to the people that you need to don't you dare forget yourself.
Don't let yourself feel the pain anymore. The sleepless nights, anxiety-filled days, and change in appetite is not worth it. Learn your lesson and start fresh. You don't deserve to suffer. I know it may feel like you do, but I absolutely promise that you don't. So give yourself a break. You are only human and we have all made mistakes. The important thing is what we do after we make those mistakes. You have said your peace and you have done your penance. There is nothing more that you can do, beautiful. Remember that you are so loved and most of all you are forgiven by grace. I know that you are strong and that you will beat this. Just make sure that you know it too.
Love always,
The Girl Who Finally Learned to Forgive Herself
