We know we're pretty good at fooling people. We don't know how we do it, but somehow we manage to pull it off and make people believe that by looking at our life on the outside, we have it all figured out in the inside, too.
We enjoy telling people about the plans that we've made for our life - whether that be the charming two-story penthouse in the city we'll have someday or all the countries we'll visit throughout the years of our life when we're not busy working at the career we've always dreamed of having.
We're motivated and seemingly positive people, and people notice that. We talk about our lives and our plans with a sense of confidence; no one or no thing can get in the way of what we want for our lives. We talk about where we're going to move to right after college and the career we'll begin.. as well as that beautiful guy we'll marry in our early twenties, who will open doors for us and dance with us in the living room to Frank Sinatra.
We laugh about those few pounds we've gained after all those cookies and late-night trips to Taco Bell, and how soon we'll start working out four days a week and finally eating a low-carb, high-protein diet. We'll be thin and fit in no time because we have a plan in place and we've got this under control. We do.. don't we?
And let's not forget how we portray ourselves on social media. The photos of our perfectly decorated, organized planners, the "coffee selfies" where we look oh so happy while drinking our lattes, the ones simply captioned with "joy" and "happiness"... they're plentiful, and we post them for a reason.
Here's the honest truth: we actually don't. We're slowly falling apart, and no one is seeming to notice.
Something happens that causes our plan to be tweaked? We panic and quickly try to convince ourselves our life won't fall apart because of this change. You'll only be hearing the latest plan we've come up with; we won't tell you all the ones we had before this one, but you'll believe this was our original plan.
And the dream guy that's out there for us who we're patiently waiting for? We're not patiently waiting. We're doubting every day that he even exists, and why it's taking him so long to find us. Our minds are constantly filled with the thoughts of why the ones that we loved in the past didn't want to love us back.
Trust me, we're not laughing about those few pounds that were gained on the inside - we're tearing ourselves apart for allowing ourselves to eat all that sugar and complex carbs. Why didn't you go to the gym that night instead of wasting your time on the couch with Netflix and all that buttery popcorn? And when we try to cut out all of that junk food and replace it with salads and smoothies, after a while we fail and start the whole cycle over again. We get angry at ourselves for not looking perfect. But of course, you can't know that, and you never will.
The Instagram posts are there to let people believe we're happy with everything in our life. Despite our busy schedules that we're pretending to love, we still manage to put together those cute outfits and enjoy spending an entire day sitting in a coffeeshop or the library writing papers with our third cup of coffee. What you don't know is that all we want to do is sleep because it's something that we never seem to have time for. We're not always happy that our lives are full of classes and work and studying - and just maybe we've contemplated dropping out of school and running away to a city where no one knows us at all.
You know what?
It's okay that you're falling apart.
It's also okay that you can't pick up all the pieces right away.
Life gets really, really hard sometimes, and we don't always know how to deal with it all.
Pretending you have everything together is okay sometimes, but don't make it a habit. Struggling alone is much more difficult than having someone alongside you telling you it's going to be okay in the end.
So you can journal away and be terrified about the future, but don't forget you're not in this alone. God has your back, and He's cheering you on every step of the way.
