Hey, girl.
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re madly in love with my brother. I won’t name names because the same rules and expectations apply to all of them. You probably never expected to receive this kind of letter. Usually in our culture, it’s the boys receiving the letters, from the brother of the girl they love. There’s a lot in those letters about respecting her, opening the door for her, paying for her meals -- and of course, the threat of violence if the girl is even slightly hurt. I’ll start off by saying this: I’m not a violent person. I don’t like fighting, or even arguing. So let’s keep this civil.
For starters, congratulations! You have discovered an amazing guy. He’s hilarious, kind, and brilliant. He has big dreams for his life, and he’s got enough potential to chase and catch them. Of course, he gets on my nerves at times, and we don’t always get along, but you are loving the right man. You’ve probably noticed all of his weird quirks by now, and if you’re the right girl, you love almost all of them. I have no doubt that he’ll treat you like a princess, and maybe someday like his queen.
That being said, he isn’t perfect. He’ll have his bad days. He’ll say the wrong thing. He’ll forget something important. He’ll do something dumb. As long as it isn’t constant and physically or mentally harmful, I’m going to ask you to cut him some slack. Believe me, if you’re in this together, my brother will fight for you. He isn’t the movie-perfect boyfriend who says the cutest lines non-stop and always looks like the perfect 10. But he will try his hardest to shower you with loving words and to look like the 10 that he is.
He also can’t “fix” you. Both of you will come into this relationship with problems and fears and worries. Do not start dating him with the expectation that his presence or effort will make you perfect and whole. He is pretty awesome, but he can’t do that. In turn, you can’t fix all of his problems. If he needs help, get him help. Have his best buddies’ phone numbers in your phone for the times when he really needs a guy to hang out with and talk to. You won’t always know best. The solution that is glowing on the tip of your tongue might not be the right one, and “this time” is not always the “right time.” Show him respect. Treat him right. Listen.
Don’t hurt him. You will, on accident, and I expect you to apologize. But do not purposefully manipulate him, insult him, hit him, threaten him, cheat on him, or hurt him at all. Don’t lead him down a dark path. Relationship abuse can and does go both ways. Don’t make him cry. Ignore what culture jokingly tells you -- the woman is not always right. Apologize sincerely. Reconcile. Strive to do better. If I see anything less than joy spilling out of his eyes when I mention your name, you and I are going to have a talk. I’m not a violent person, but I defend my family. If you truly do love him, you’ll agree with me that he’s worth it.
This paragraph is the worst one to write. What if you two break up? I know this isn’t a possibility you want to consider right now, but please listen. If the two of you part ways, remember that at one point, you saw the good in him. Treat him with respect. I know you want to rant to your girls about how awful he was, but don’t. He’s hurting too. Maybe he did something horrible. Maybe one of you wants the other back. Walk away. Pray (if you’re the right girl for him, you will).
Perhaps you’re confused right now. I might have insisted you read this article, but you know that the boy you love is not actually my brother by biologic relation. Here’s the thing, hon -- I have biological brothers and I have spiritual brothers. I have laughed, cried, and gone on sweet adventures with them all. I love them. I will always want to do what’s best for them (and if that means policing the girls they like, I have no issue doing this). They might get annoyed at my meddling, but that’s typical of siblings. I won’t steal them from you, though. Don’t feel jealous when I spend time with them, or share a joke with them. You have no competition from me. These amazing guys mean so much to me. I want them to be healthy and happy.
And if that means they give their hearts to you?
Welcome to the family.
