It’s not your fault.
No matter how many nights you will lay awake thinking of things you could have done better, mistakes you shouldn't have made or how many times he tells you it is, it is not your fault. It is always easier to put the blame on someone else because frankly, the truth hurts and no one wants to be responsible for putting an end to something that was once so promising of a beautiful forever. You did not want to see the end, so when you started to, you gave 120 percent effort into trying to make things work but it was not enough, and that is not your fault.
After a while, the effort you so adamantly gave pushed him away because the truth is that he is not ready for what you want. The life you and he planned together was just a mere fantasy in his mind when you deemed it, one day, to be reality. You loved him, and you expected he loved you just as much (because he told you he did). However, when it came down to it, the love he tried to share with you wasn't enough to keep going through the hardest parts of a relationship. You realized the future you thought was once planned with you in it was just a general idea, like you were a place holder for the next person that gets the chance to fulfill his idea of a future. Because he didn't choose to give you the chance. After all the time spent together, it was selfish and immature, but the fact that he proved to be all the things you swore he wasn't will turn into your motivation.
You'll realize it was not your fault that he "couldn't hang" when things got tough because you expected him to man up, but he is still a boy. You loved him and would have done anything for him, but a boy cannot comprehend a love like that, let alone reciprocate. No matter how much you try, you cannot tell someone how much he loves you. No matter how much you believe he wants you, he has to be the one to make that choice. And this one did not choose you, but you will be ever so glad he didn’t.
So take this time to get back into a hobby you never had time for because your relationship was priority. Go out with your old friends or even make new ones! Keep doing things that keep you busy to help the process of moving on, but don’t be afraid of the nights you just want to stay in bed watching "Grey"s Anatomy" with a box of tissues close by. Don’t let anyone tell you when you should be over it. Take your time to feel the hurt and when you are ready, you WILL see the light at the end of this ominous tunnel. Soon enough, you will realize you wanted more from him than he could have ever given you. Although you have to say goodbye to something you will probably hold close in your heart forever, it does make you one step closer to finding the man you will love will all your being and more importantly, a man who will love you just as much.
