Sometimes I feel like I'm losing everyone around me, and I'm not sure if it's because I feel really sad and alone sometimes, or if it's because of the period I'm at in my life.
All of my friends seem to be moving on with their lives, as if they have it so easy, and I feel stuck. I feel like I can't even tell my friends the new and exciting things in my life anymore because I always feel pushed to the side. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm just as important, and I don't need anyone else to feel excited for me to feel excited for myself.
It's hard for me to relate to other people that are my age sometimes, and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I don't care about partying, or who hooked up with who, or any other drama. I don't care about other people's classes, or how hard work was that day or anything that isn't going to be an actual problem in the future. Lately, it's been hard to care for myself, and with car issues, my own classes and jobs, and the overwhelming amount of health issues I've been dealing with lately, it's really hard to try to care about problems that seem so minimal. I know everyone has their own problems, but when I can barely deal with my own, it's hard to be there for other people. Sometimes I just wish that people would ask to vent or dump their problems on you before they went ahead and did it, so they would know what mental state I was in. I don't want to be an insensitive asshole, but when you don't check in first, that makes you the insensitive asshole.
But I am. I want my friends to know I'll always care, but it's hard for me to show it, and sometimes I need them to know that I'm also working through stuff that no one really understands right now.
I want my friends that are in relationships to know that I am happy for them, and I'm okay when they reschedule plans with me to spend time with their significant others, but I don't want to hear weird jokes about me being the single friend or weird low-blows about my commitment issues that everyone wants to pass off as jokes. I don't need anyone in my life to make me feel happy, and it makes me uncomfortable that you have that mindset. I'm your friend and all, but don't pull me into that weird shit.
Things change as we get older, and I'm okay with that. I know I'm going to lose friends, in more than one way, and that's just life. But to the friends I know will always be my friends, I'm here for you and your problems even when I'm working through my own. Life seems hard, and life gets hard, but don't ever think you have to go through it alone.