I do not open up to anyone quite easily anymore. To be completely honest its been years since I've made any actual close, "spill my secrets too kind of" friend(s). I have always tried to be friendly and accept others how they are. I never considered myself as a part of a certain crowd, I just floated around being friendly to whomever crossed my path. From the outside looking in it might seem like I have tons of friends but I am acquaintances with many people. I keep my circle small. Even with a small circle, I constantly second guess others intentions and for that I am truly sorry.
So to the friends that stayed,
Thank you for never giving up on me. Even when I left you in the wind, trying to force myself to be someone I'm not. You never gave up and was always there for me in times I wasn't always there for you. Thank you for always telling me the truth even when it hurts and even after I've told you to just lie. Thank you for helping me grow, and believe in myself. Thank you for letting me be myself. There are few people I am my true self around. Not because Im just a total fake but because people are so rude and ugly in this world that many times being me just doesn't seem good enough. So thank you for always reminding me, that you love me just the way I am. Thank you for accepting my crazy ways of laughing way to loud with an occasional snort, and the fact that I have to plan out everything and cant do things on the flip of a coin. Thank you for pushing me out my comfort zone, (sometimes to far out) and respecting me enough to know when I just do not want to. Thank you for knowing that, I am trying my best or when I am just flat out going to say no before the words even come out of my mouth. Thank you for laughing with me, and laughing at me. I know it can be hard to resist sometimes.
To the once upon a time acquaintances,
Chances are I've known you for a while. Years probably. We've most likely had classes together, went to mutual friends birthday parties and chatted when we run into each other in town but some thing has changed. Our worlds have collided a tad closer. Now we visit constantly and text daily. Thank you for the countless times you have been there for me knowing you didn't have to be and for the many times you've gone out of your way for me to make me smile on a bad day or just to talk so neither one of us would be alone. Thank you for accepting me as I am because I know I can be weird at times. Even the friends I've had for years still are not used to my quirky ways. Thank you for taking the time to get to know me instead of blowing me off/being mean because I seem out of the box or only trying to be friends when it benefits you most. Thank you for showing me good things don't happen that the speed of light and good friendships sometimes take extra time.
To the friends/acquaintances I've made along the way,
Granted, I most probably met you from a mutual friend because I don't go out of my way to make friends anymore. So first thank you for accepting me as a friend even though you did not have too. Thank you for helping me trust again. Not just trust with friends but trust with anyone. I don't express my true colors around many people so thank you for giving me the chance to open up. Thank you for the many times you "put up" with me because if your not used to me, even when you are used to me, I know I can be a handful when I need to have a plan for the nights we go out and never liking to do things by myself in public. Thank you for giving me a chance.
To my future friends,
Give me a chance, a moment, a glance or whatever you want to call it. I know I can be picky, too outspoken and too quiet at the wrong times. I struggle with making friends, so excuse my awkwardness and anxiety. When I meet someone I like, a potential friend or a potential BF, I get super paranoid hoping I'm liked back just as much I like them. Give me time to be comfortable and I promise I am not as awkward as it seems.
Thank you for making my days brighter and my nights crazier.