To The Boy Who Made Me Second Guess My Self-Worth

To The Boy Who Made Me Second Guess My Self-Worth

Jokes on you, because my self-worth has tripled since you!

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To the boy who made me feel less than, this one is for you.

On that night, you might have left me feeling worthless, but since you, I have blossomed into someone that I never could have become if I was still with you.

We all have that one guy. The one that was so not your type, or not up to your standard, however the thought of being with him inticed you. It felt dangerous, and that was why he was so appealing to you.

You see, that is when it gets dangerous. The exact moment that you allow someone to dimish your self-worth, is when trouble arises.

While we shared many moments that I will forever cherish, your ability to dimish my self-worth is something that I will not. Whether it was a side comment about how you didn't "vibe with my new hair color", or those times when you would tell me how "awkward" or "uptight" I was, those things will always stick with me... or so I thought.

There was such a time when your sly, demeaning voice was constantly stuck in the back of my head. If I saw a picture of myself that I didn't like I would go back to the comments that you would somehow always manage to sneak in during our everyday conversations. You would make jokes about my outfits and laugh it off with a subtle grin towards me, yearning for a laugh back from me. If someone ever looked at me funny, I went back to those times.

While these instances stuck with me for quite some time, that time is up and now more than ever, I am aware of my self-worth and how hard the guy after you should have to work to get me.

Nowadays I'm taking more time for my mental health, and rebuilding my self-worth back, but tripled.

Because of you, I thought so poorly of myself.

But, because of you, I have more self-worth than ever before. And for that, I thank you.

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An Appreciative Thank You Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

"And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day and something reminds you you wish you had stayed. You can plan for a change in weather and time but I never planned on you changing your mind"
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Exes get a lot of backlash in breakups. This letter is not that. This letter is not bashing my ex-boyfriend for doing what was best for him. This letter is being written for the pure reason I want to thank him for what he has done, but I am simply not strong enough to send it to him myself.

Thank you for the time we had together. In the moment, I was able to give and receive affection, have good times, and laugh at the smallest. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have memories that I can look back on and smile about. Our relationship isn't something I regret, in fact, it taught me a lot about myself. The days we spent together were some of the happiest and best days of my life. I hope you know that.

Thank you for the unforgettable experience of my hand being held in yours. Thank you for rubbing my back when it was bothering me. Thank you for taking care of me when I didn't take care of myself. You were the only person who got me to eat during finals week. You were also the only person who was able to keep me calm going into the last month of college, and that means the world to me. I have never met someone who could get me to be so comfortable so quickly. I have never slept better than with your arms around me all those nights. You never complained once when I was being a pain instead you let me realize it and then we would laugh it off. We never picked fights and when we did fight, you wouldn't run away or shut me out. You listened. You were the first person who ever gave me a chance to say what I felt and you never made me feel bad about it.

From the second I met you, I could tell that there was something about you that had me hooked, simply by the look in your eyes. I connected with you so easily and quickly that I have never connected with someone like that before. That spoke mountains to me, for me to be able to open up to you and talk to you the way I did. You were the first boy I have ever met that made me feel beautiful in my own skin. You complimented me everyday, even if I looked like I rolled out of bed. You never let me go a day without knowing just how much you cared and that brings me to tears to this day. Tears because it makes me so happy to remember you doing that. You taught me how to feel beautiful and confident. You never made me feel ashamed for anything in my life, and you supported me through every choice I made.

You proudly introduced me to your family and friends as your girlfriend. You never tried to hide me from anyone you met. You made me a priority in your life, and for the first time I was put first. Your family welcomed me from the second they met me and that warms my heart because to me they could see that I was someone important in your life.

I invested my emotions, my thoughts, and my time in you. I only hope that that has brought you happiness. I hope that when you look back at us, that you smile and are grateful for the time spent. I hope that I made you as happy as you made me in the short time we were together.

Looking back, I am not mad or upset. I do not hate you or wish you the worst. I am very proud of you for realizing that you needed to do what was best for you and at that time in life that wasn't me. I am only sorry that I couldn't do more for you. But whatever you set out to do in this life, I wish you nothing but the best. I wish you years of happiness and laughter. And I wish that you accomplish all of the dreams you set for yourself. I hope you miss what we had just as much as I do; because for the first time in a very long time it was the only real thing I had to hold on to. You gave me more than you'll ever realize and for that I am forever grateful.

Thank you for everything. For treating me like I mattered, putting me first, caring about me, wiping my tears, making me smile, and holding my hand through thick and thin. I am forever thankful for the relationship we had. No one has made the impact you did in the short amount of time together. You are truly one of a kind and I hope you realize that you deserve nothing but the best in this life.

Sincerely,

The appreciative ex-girlfriend.

Cover Image Credit: Katie Nicastro

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All The Sorries We Should Have Said

Do you struggle saying "I'm sorry"? You're not alone.

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"I'm sorry."

It's two short words that I find incredibly hard to utter sometimes. I think many people struggle to get the words out, especially when they aren't exactly sure what else they want to say. For me, I hate saying I'm sorry if I don't have my thoughts collected if I haven't sifted through all my feelings and prepared a long speech on why I'm so sorry.

It's so much easier to forgive than it is to apologize. Even when I've wanted to apologize, there's something about actually doing it that chokes me up a bit or that makes me feel timid. Maybe it's a pride thing- no one wants to feel small or stupid. Recently I've been thinking about how I like forgiving more than I do apologizing, which is odd considering it's ridiculously hard for me to forget a past transgression, no matter how much I want to. That got me to thinking about how others forgive.

When I've hurt someone, when I've been out of line, and I finally muster up the strength to apologize, do they forgive and forget? Are they like me and try their hardest to push the past into the back of their minds? Did they think it was a half-assed attempt? I think for many of us we can be kind of oblivious to the pain we cause others, even if we don't mean to do any harm. We can be even more oblivious to how people respond to our apologies or lack thereof.

I know I've hurt people; I'm not a perfect person. That's no excuse, it's just the truth- no one is perfect. We've all messed up many times before, we've betrayed people's trust, we've let people down, and the list can go on and on. I often wonder if I've given the proper apologies, though. I wonder if people felt my remorse if they accepted my "I'm sorry?"

To the people I've let down- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for giving you high hopes just to let them crash and burn. I'm sorry I didn't carry my own weight.

To the people I've turned my back on- I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't stick by your side, that I didn't keep my promise to be there for you.

To the people I've been icy with- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for giving you the cold shoulder, for making a biting remark when I was in a mood, for treating coldly and being distant. You didn't deserve that, not then and not ever.

To the people who forgave me- thank you. I'm sorry I gave you any reason to have to forgive me at all.

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